The Musings of a Wandering Spirit

Good, Clean Redneck Fun!!

2011-07-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer in taking the time to have a good adventure, especially if it's a little out of the ordinary. Thanks to some of my fellows at the 2011 Yellowstone Writing Project, we were able to have just that this weekend. We spent time doin' it up at a local demolition derby, having a few Moscow Mules out on the town (I even met one of the real Busch men!), and finishing the two-day event with a gopher huntin' trip (my first experience). Wow, was it a weekend to remember. It reminds me of the power of amazing friends, great adventures, and the natural wonders of nature.

What will your next adventure be??

Expiration Date...

2011-07-16T09:53:00.001-07:00

Writing Prompt: What do you wish had an expiration date?
(From The One-Minute Writer)

I'm not quite sure yet what I wish had an expiration date, but I do know I am glad milk has one. There is nothing worse that Jonesing for a big tall glass of frothy, ice-cold milk after a chocolate chip cookie only to find it has gone sour. Yuck! Sour milk is 100% straight up horrible. I don't even have the words to describe its curdled, foul state. My husband is convinced, however, that expiration dates are more of a suggestion than a hard, fast rule. I suppose I can go along with that to an extent, but if his theory gets me "soured" some day, Hubs just might reach the expiration date for sleeping in our cozy bed for a night or two.

I also know what I wish didn't have an expiration date. I guess this stems from my never-ending struggle with letting go. For starters, I wish people didn't have expiration dates. I do understand that all good things and people must reach their end, but it sure does stink for the rest of us who have to find ways to accept the missing spots from those who pass away. I also wish good programs didn't have to come to an end, whether it's a summer camp, a t.v. show, a sports team, an educational program (i.e. The Writing Project, and a plethora of other good ideas out there and never seem to last long). It's hard to mourn those spaces without being soured to the forces or entities who ended them.

In terms of thinking of something I wish had an expiration date, I'm still drawing a blank. There are too many things I like and the things and experiences I don't like usually have expiration dates built into them some how. But, I'm curious. What do you think should have an expiration date?

Fusion...

2011-07-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

Writing prompt (YWP '11 July 13th): Write about short fuses.

Fusion can be such a beautiful thing. There is beauty in merging together two, three, four, even five or more ideas; finding that point at which they all meet. It's electrifying, really, and can spark our minds as we search for the next thing to weld into this wonderful amalgamation of thought, perspective, words, and experiences. Each idea has its own individual luster. When we dig deep enough, we can find some common point, despite how small or unusual, that links to some different and equally sparkling thought.

Of course, finding the unifying point is often a challenge. To find it, we must be willing to stretch our minds and bust through our own thick habits and insecurities. It's hard work and is often uncomfortable. It can even start the short fuse of our frustrations. But, if we persevere and stay the course, marveling at the differences while also looking for the similarities, we can fuse all of these perspectives, words, theories, and experiences together. We can create our own spectacular art; art that will surely light up the world and linger in the minds of those we encounter, adding to their amazing mess of thoughts and experiences, sparking the passion within us all-- lighting the world on fire. Fusion: what a beautiful thing.

Refreshed...

2011-07-15T17:25:00.000-07:00

Sam Intrator once wrote in his article Teachers: The Heart of Education, if teachers are not well, their students cannot be well. Over the past few years of my emerging teaching career I have not always been well. There were glimmers of hope and inspiration from time to time, but I was often not well and not living the balanced life I wanted to live. Slowly, I stopped doing the things I loved. I stopped walking, reading, socializing, and writing. I taught and that was it. As amazing as teaching can be, it wasn't enough. I was no longer whole.

Luckily, I had the opportunity to participate in the Yellowstone chapter of the National Writing Project this summer. In fact, the institute just ended today. It was just the salve I needed to help me be well as a teacher and as an individual. The intense collaboration and interaction with my 16 fellow writers and teachers made me well. I can write again and plan on doing so every day! Writing, after all, is what helps me shape my perspective and experiences. It helps me laugh, reflect, and sometimes cry at any given moment. The Writing Project helped me find this again.

So... I'm going to muse about my wandering spirit and adventures once again, trying desperately not to fall off the wagon. More than anything this space is my accountability for my own writing challenge and my effort to support The Project's philosophies. Thank you NWP and YWP. I owe you a great deal.

Fresh Starts and Cautious Optimism

2010-08-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

One of the things I love about being a teacher is the fall (in most years the late summer). Each fall we get to start fresh. Last year's old, scuffed layers of wax and grime get stripped away, scrubbed clean, and replaced with a brand new, shinny, ding-free coat. It smells great. It looks great, and it feels protected and inviting. Every year I look forward to the moment I make my first entrance into the school--usually a week or two before I am required to be there (despite popular myths about us teacher-types). The halls are cool, dark, and quiet. The floors are shinny and new. The smell of optimistic anticipation floats happily in the air. Everything feels fresh and new. It's a great moment-- one of my favorites each year.

As it is with a lot of school districts around our nation, last year's coat of wax wasn't so great. It seemed to go from bad to worse, and then to non-existent in a very short amount of time. It left many of us feeling scuffed, dinged, and way too exposed to the heavy foot traffic from above. We watched as some were scratched to the core despite our gallant efforts to prevent it. It was bad. I'd rather not repeat it again.

When we flooded the district auditorium for our annual first day teachers' meeting yesterday, things felt better. They felt fresh and new again. The floors were scrubbed, buffed, and re-waxed. Most of last year's dings and scuffs had been fixed in the summer cleaning; however, there are still some deep scratches that didn't quite buff out. Yesterday the deep scratches were not so noticeable. Today they were much more apparent. It was hard to look, but impossible not to. It wasn't pleasant to be reminded of how and why those scratches got there in the first place. Yesterday it was easy to forget; today it was not.

And so I'm faced with a choice. We all are. How much do we remember? How much do we forget?

Every school year our floors get scuffed and dinged, and every summer our custodians do their best to restore them back to shinny new with the cautious hope that a new strategy and fresh wax will protect the floors better than the year before. It's a process. It's predictable. It's comforting. This year I choose to hope like our custodians. Despite last year's damage, I will enter this year with new hope and fresh wisdom. It's a cautious hope, but an optimistic one. (What's the point if it weren't?) It's fresh wisdom, but wisdom nonetheless. Until the trust is restored, it would be foolish to have anything less or anything more.

How much will I forget? This will depend on how much I can forget and still meet the goal.

Reflections on a smokey sunset stroll...

2010-08-04T21:09:00.001-07:00

(semi- smokey moonrise I took a three summers ago from our campsite on Lake Mac Donnald in Glacier National Park)

I had to get out and go for an after dinner stroll tonight. And no, I am not having second thoughts about the charming Mr. N! :) Tonight I was lured by sunset. See, the smoke from the fires in Canada has finally reached us-- a common occurrence this time of year. Because we are surrounded by four mountain ranges, the smoke has a tendency to soc us in and make it hard to see much of the usual scenery. It can be a nuisance, but it does lend itself nicely to some really cool sunsets and sunrises.

The smoke does some remarkable things when mixed with the warm tones of the rising and setting sunlight. The combination paints our valley in all shades of blue, gray, purple, red, gold, and orange. The smoke and light also play funny tricks on the mountain silhouettes. The usually hard and clearly defined ridge lines soften and become mystical shadows and whimsical clouds in the distance. Just the right mix of smoke and light lends itself nicely to Montana moments and Montana reflections...

I plugged into my mp3 player and selected a mix I put together when I was in the thick of mustering through my first few years as a new teacher, new adult, and new Montanan. I'm not sure what drove me to pick that mix, maybe it was the smoke, but it took me back in time.

In some lights, I wouldn't want to go back to that time to save my life. Those first two years had their fair share of hard, dark, and smokey moments, but they taught me a lot. Mostly, they taught me how to pick myself up and keep going after life's unexpected sucker punches to the gut and how to successfully navigate the emptiness of truly being alone-- two golden lessons that definitely came at a premium.

But in tonight's sunset, I wouldn't trade those two years for anything. As a friend once wrote, although there were more than a fair share of dark smokey days in those first years, there were also some of the most beautiful "salmon colored" days too. Those are the days and moments that will be forever captured by my memory. None of which would have happened had I not had those dark and smokey days too. The people I met, the friends I made, and the family I found were all wonderful adventures who held the keys to many golden life lessons too-- lessons of a gentler sort.

Those first two years in Montana were the perfect mix of smoke and light. They were a series of breath-taking smokey sunsets that will forever anchor my story-- sunsets just like tonight's.

Pre-Wedding Adventures...

2010-08-02T09:40:00.001-07:00

It's safe to say I'm still coming off of the wedding buzz... We had one heck of a day but an even more eventful pre-wedding week. Given that we decided to have our wedding in Montana, it meant that for more than half of our guests it became a destination wedding. I quickly learned that a destination wedding equals much entertaining! And boy did we ever cram a whole lot of Montana in just one week! It was great to share our "Treasure State" with our Midwest friends and family, though. I think it helped them begin to understand why we live here instead of there.

One of my favorite days of the pre-wedding week, however, was the bachelor/bachelorette days. My hubby took his friends on a full day/night float, fish, 'n camp on the Madison river. Apparently they schooled the local fishermen, which is really no surprise as many of his friends are professional fishermen or semi-pros in the Midwest. They even took my dad along, which made me a little nervous but ended up being a fantastic idea! I always knew Mr. N and my dad had a lot in common, but I didn't realize just how well they got along until hubby and friends came back boasting about how fun it was to have my dad along. After seeing the pictures and hearing the tall tales, it was safe to say they had a wee of a time on the river that day.

I can safely say that the ladies trumped the boys' day on the Madison with a zip & dip over and on the Gallatin river (the river on which much of A River Runs Through It was filmed). I had never gone zip lining before but am always up for a good challenge/scare. I was also excited to show my mom, sister-in-law, and best friend our Montana playground from a completely different angle. The zip lining ended up being far more serene than scary, despite my initial aversion of climbing a wobbly rope bridge hundreds of feet off the forest floor. The zip lining itself was actually very relaxing. It was nice to let go and let myself be taken by the momentum of the line. Not to mention that the English teacher in me loved the metaphorical life parallels between jumping off suspended stations hundreds of feet off the ground and the events that week! ;) My mom decided to be a camera man as the three of us zipped through the Gallatin National Forest and across the Gallatin river, but she was definitely ready to raft once the afternoon rolled around!

I've been on a few raft trips in Colorado and in Glacier National Park, most of which were okay but mostly anticlimactic. The raft trip we took two weeks ago, however, was fantastic! It was the perfect mix of slow & fast water, saftey & danger. I won't lie, when the guide told us that if we fell out of the boat during the last stretch and tried to stand up that we would die, I did feel my stomach do a little flip. At the same rate, there's nothing like a little fear to make a person stronger, and in our case, laugh and scream a little louder! :)

To top things off, my mom was wearing the most fantastic shoes. See, she had forgotten her aqua sox at our cabin in the Midwest and had to buy some inexpensive river shoes. So off to Walmart she went. She came back with a pair of navy and white tiger striped canvas shoes which she called her "tiger toes." The only thing they were missing was the handywork of a bedazzler. On the raft, every time the bottom of the boat scraped over a rock, she'd giggle and say, "ooh... that one tickled the tigers!" Trust me, between her cute little tiger toes and her curls curling out the sides of her seemingly too small helmet, it was a rather amusing ride! It was one that made me love my mom just a little more and proved yet again how good of a sport and adventure buddy she can be.

After our raft we raced back to my house to get ready for the bachelorette party downtown... It was fairly tame given that three of us were totaly wiped out from a day over and on the river, but we cowgirled up, put on our pink pearl snap shirts, laced up our boots, and headed down town. My friends had arranged a sort of scavenger hunt/challenge course that involved several very Montana tasks... and to protect their identities (they too are teachers with reputations to keep) they wore bandanas... My reputation, however, was only given the protection of the cowboy hat they had made me for the special night on the town. It's good things didn't get too out of hand!

At the end of the night, I slipped into my bed (still safely snapped in my adventure shirt) with a grin from ear to ear. It was such a fantastic day. I was surrounded by my best friends and family, plenty of Montana adventure, and lots and lots of laughter. What more could a girl ask for? Little did I know that it was only an omen to how great the week would end...

(Zipping)

(Dipping)

(Hiding...)

Oh Happy Day...

2010-08-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

I know I've been out of the blogging world for far too long, but here is my attempt to jump back in with both feet.

I've actually been doing a lot of jumping lately, the most notable jump being my jump into matrimony with "The New Chapter" on the 24th of July. It was a happy day for sure, and was complete with a morning champagne hike with my best girl friends, amazing wildflower blooms, a lovely ceremony, and a fantastic evening of "music, and dancing, and feasting" (quote from our ceremony's benediction) with our closest family and friends.

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day, a more perfect husband, a more fantastic family, or amazing friends. Most of it is a pleasant blur of happy events that came as quickly as they went; it was truly perfect. I still can't quite believe it happened. It felt more like a dream than reality...

Needless to say one of my wishes from my wishing basket came true this past Saturday. And don't you dare worry; I was quick to thank God for granting me my wish! :)

(looking down the path with the bouquet)

(a moment with my dad and nieces before my entrance)

(Our first steps together as Mr. & Mrs. N)

(dancing under a heart shaped moon)

Dutch Story #1: "Goal 1: Learning Dutch"

2009-11-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

“Goal Number 1: Learning Dutch”

“Het tuin is moi” was the only Dutch phrase I knew when I boarded the plane to Schipol Airport. And to make maters worse, the phrase wasn’t very helpful. I knew knowing how to say “The garden is beautiful” might yield a few amused smiles from my new host families, but it would hardly be of use when I had to find a bathroom or needed to eat. It was something, though. At least I had made an effort. After all it wasn’t easy finding learn-it-yourself language tapes for Dutch. Less than 19 million people in the world speak the very guttural sounding language, and very few of those 19 million lived in Iowa. I learned what I could before I left, but I knew from the start that learning Dutch would be one of my biggest challenges.
It took me until Thanksgiving to really get the hang of speaking and understanding Dutch. I had taken a ten day language and culture class a few days after I arrived in The Netherlands that late July. Although the class was really fun and helped me network with other exchange students from around the world, I don’t think I really learned much Dutch. It was the first of my four host dads who really helped push me along—may God bless him for his patience. My notorious stubbornness is what pushed me the other half of the way. Several pounds of dark Dutch chocolate and tasty glasses of throat-soothing milk should also be properly thanked for my slow but steady progress.

Dutch is tricky, and that’s all there is to it. It doesn’t follow the same rules as English, and it sure as heck doesn’t sound like it either. During the first few days of my exchange I remember feeling like I had been plopped down in the middle of a very foreign land full of extremely tall and very kind tea and cheese addicts who spoke something that sounded more like an even blend of gibberish and throat clearing than anything that could possibly resemble a language. With some patience and an eager-to-learn ear, what initially sounded like a steady stream of hacking and spiting, slowly turned into individual words.
By the end of the third day with my host family, I was able to pick out a few words like “moi” “leuk” and “gezeleg” which seemed to pop up frequently in conversation. I also noticed that the language had a rather chipper gate as the happy words joined together to make joyful sounding phrases. The cheerfulness seemed to match the meaning of the words I could recognize from conversations--- beautiful, nice, and cozy—and were also a close reflection of the kind folks who were helping me out. By the time I had really gotten the hang of the language a few months later, my Dutch friends would laugh at me when I said their language was beautiful. I was quick to find out that the Dutch are among the first to acknowledge their language sounds a bit strange.

With only a few days under my belt I knew I would be okay. And with a lot of patience, I could learn the language. I had comfort in knowing I had plenty of friendly faces to help me along the way and to get me through some of those awkward and very embarrassing language acquisition moments. I was right too. I did learn the language. Granted, I was far from perfect at speaking Dutch, and my knowledge did come at the cost of several embarrassing mistakes and lots of frustrated moments. By the end of my eleven month stay, however, I could get my point across and understand about 85% of what I heard. I like chalking this off as a “win,” considering I only knew how to compliment someone’s garden, when I first started my journey.
Of all the things I took away from my exchange year, I was probably most proud of the progress I had made in learning the language and all of the life lessons that went along with learning it. It wasn’t always easy, though, nor was it always pleasant. I had several moments along the way in which I wanted to throw my hands up and walk away or crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment. Those were the moments that taught me the most, though, and the moments that still stick with me today.

One such moment happened towards the end of my stay. It was the beginning of May, right around my 19th birthday and about ten months into my exchange. My parents were in town for a ten day visit and it was my goal not only to show them around The Netherlands but to also show off all of the fancy new things I had learned about life, culture, and of course, the language.
To celebrate my parents’ visit, all of my host families, my parents, and I made a dinner reservation at one of the finest restaurants in Oosterbeek, the town where I had been living. I had been there just one other time with the Bakkers, my third host family, and had fallen in love with the place right away. The restaurant was located in the historic Hartenstein building which automatically gave the place a rich sense of class that so often comes from such places in Europe. It was a more contemporary sense of class, however, with modern warmth radiating from its trendy gold and pumpkin orange painted walls and dangling, blue LED lights bringing the place into the 21st century. The food smells from the restaurant also were a source of warmth. Smells of slow cooked meat and a smorgasbord of other delicious sights and smells would win the heart of any person who walked in the door.

The restaurant was also very unique. Not only was the décor inviting and the food delicious, but the restaurant’s theme is what drew in so many from so far. The restaurant’s theme was based on Broadway musicals, and to accentuate that idea, the wait staff entertained their patrons by spontaneously bursting into famous American Broadway tunes. The town was extremely proud of their very classy and talented singing waiters and affectionately referred to them as “The Hartenstein Singers.” Considering that my mom and I are both avid fans of Broadway Musicals and that the restaurant oozed modern European class, it seemed to be the only fitting place to celebrate my parents’ visit and my accomplishments. Not to mention that the waiters sang in English, which would be a nice break for my parents’ strained American ears.
After we were all seated and had a chance to settle in at our table, the waiter came around to take our orders. I remember mulling over which delectable dish I wanted to try. Would it be the slow roasted spring chicken, or maybe a nice beef steak, so rare in Europe due to the Mad Cow disease at that time? I was towards the end of the table, so I had plenty of time to decide. This was a great thing considering I was also proudly helping my parents decipher the Dutch menu.

As the waiter finally got to me, I decided to show off some of my newly-conquered Dutch. “Mag ik het Pipe Coucken, austublief?” I said, pronouncing the word “Pipe” just as it sounds in English.
As I was ordering, Pieter, one of my host dad’s sitting next to me, was taking a long sip of water. The instant the word “pipe coucken” slipped out of my mouth, he began choking on his water and nearly spit it across the table. Then came the laughter. My host brother Wiecher was also sitting near by and had heard my order. He instantaneously burst into a loud laughing fit, while the others stopped and stared. My parents looked dumbfounded. What on earth was so funny? The waiter did everything humanly possible to keep a straight face. I was just praying he wouldn’t burst into some sort of song to bring even more emphasis to my mistake.
At this point, I had quickly realized I must have made a mistake when I ordered. Ten months into my stay, I was somewhat used to making either cultural or language-related mistakes and could spot the signs of a blunder from miles away. Although, I had made a million such mistakes throughout the year, the embarrassment never really lost its sting, especially not when those mistakes happened in a fancy restaurant in front of parents I was trying to empress.

I quickly turned to Pieter and asked what I had done. He struggled to regain his composure. In his heavily accented English, so my very curious parents and I could all be sure to understand, he said, “Well, Emily, in Holland we pronounce the Dutch word p-i-p-e is as pip. The proper way to order the spring chicken is to pronounce it as pip coucken.”

“Oh,” I said, “pip, not pipe. I get it.” Whew, it wasn’t that big of a mistake. Or was it?

“So, Pieter?” I asked.

“Yes” he replied, still struggling to stifle his giggles.

“What was so funny, then?”

“Well, Emily,” He said, still in his very direct English. “You just ordered a penis chicken, instead of a spring chicken.”

That was it. Everyone lost it. Everyone was howling. The waiter, all of my host families (who were all paying attention by this point), my parents, and even a few strangers from the nearby tables were in absolute stitches. After turning as red as the tomato sauce on a nearby table, I too began to laugh. I think I even ripped off a few of my famous snorts, which inevitably made the whole place erupt with laughter.

Even though I was embarrassed, I had learned from my many mistakes before how important it is to just roll with it—to laugh, learn, and then move on. Had I crawled under a rock and died of embarrassment every time I made a mistake while trying to learn Dutch, I would have never been able to make as much progress as I did. One of the most valuable lessons I learned while living abroad was not to take myself too seriously, especially when learning something new and foreign. I learned that learning can be tough, and at times embarrassing, but if you give up before the lesson is learned, you won’t get very far.

I'm back!!

2009-11-29T17:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, I apologize for my two-month sabbatical from the blogging world. Well, maybe I don't fully apologize, because I have been busy doing other things, like teaching and all that goes with it. However, I am about to start teaching a writing unit to my dear little freshmen, and as my teaching philosophy goes, I would never ask my kiddos to do something that I wouldn't do or haven't done myself. Therefore, I have started a writing project. I am beginning to write a collect a series of short stories from my Rotary exchange year abroad to the Netherlands (July 2000- July 2oo1). I thought I'd also post my stories out here, in hopes of getting a little feedback and to help hold myself accountable for writing. So if you have a chance, feel free to look at the following tale. It's my lead-off story that will set the stage for my series of short stories/narratives to follow. Enjoy and feel free to offer feedback. Thanks! :)

“The Jumping off Point”

As I hugged my parents goodbye at the gate of The Minneapolis International Airport, I tried desperately to convince myself I was making the right choice. I was roughly five minutes from boarding a plane that would fly my 18-year-old self over my Midwest home, the Eastern United States, and the cold, grey Atlantic for an exchange program in The Netherlands. I was at the do or die moment. If I bored that plane, in less than 24 hours I would be thousands of miles from the only hometown I knew; thousands of miles from my parents, friends, and other family members; thousands of miles from being able to speak English without much thought. And, to elevate the risk, it would be eleven months before I’d be back at this very gate and into the safety of my parents’ arms. Eleven months! This was indeed the jumping off point. Was I really ready to spread my wings?

I fought hard against the giant ball of emotions that kept trying to choke me-- the ball my mom and I would later call “the gremlin” in our team effort to fight off my homesickness via a very long distance phone call.

“This is your chance,” I kept telling myself. “This is your chance to make your future grandkids proud. This is your big adventure, your chance to Carpe Diem. This is no crying matter. Smile and go, Em, Smile and go.”

And somehow, my positive thoughts worked. I managed to put on my finest smile and hide my tears from mom and dad that late July morning-- even though they could not hide theirs. I boarded that Holland-bound plane with my brand new rolling luggage set, one useless Dutch phrase I had learned via the only Dutch Learn-it-yourself language program I could find, some positive thoughts, and soul full of a naïve confidence. Little did I know how much I would rely on the latter two items during my year long quest to discover the world and myself.

Check it out...

2009-09-30T18:34:00.001-07:00

I am a HUGE FAN of the National Parks. In fact, HUGE FAN doesn't even quite describe it. I fell in love with hiking when I lived and worked at a summer camp that overlooked the Long's Peek of Rocky National Park in Colorado. Now I'm only a 90 minute drive from Yellowstone. I've traveled through the South Dakota Badlands on my many road trips to and from Iowa. I've contemplated the "true history" of America's race across the continent at the Battle of the Little Big Horn in Wyoming. This year I bought my annual park pass in the north branch of Theodore Roosevelt National Park. And last year, I found myself again as I looked over Lake McDonald from the Highline trail in Glacier National Park. I've been so lucky to have seen so many Parks and to have had such a rich experience in so many of them. Yet, I want to see more.

Thanks to Ken Burns, I've had the chance to learn even more about the National Parks I've visited, the ones I've haven't visited, and their amazing history from start to present. If you too are a fan of The Parks, I highly suggest you check out his latest work: The National Parks: America's Best Idea. As I type, I'm watching the fourth episode of six premiering on PBS this week. Seriously, check it out. It's an intimate history of the parks and those who fought to preserve some of the most amazing land in America. The show highlights the lives of the Parks' tenacious founders and supporters some of whom include: John Muir, Theodor Roosevelt, Mr. Mathis, and so many more. It really is inspiring and eye-opening. You won't be disappointed!

#links

2009-09-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

#links
http://woodandpixels.blogspot.com/2009/09/there-were-countless-miracles-on-and.html

Patriots' Day: Remembering 9/11/01

2009-09-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow marks eight years since the initial terrorist attacks on the U.S. It's hard to imagine so much time has passed, but as we promised, we still remember. I still remember where I was and what I was thinking when it happened. Where were you? What do you remember? How has it affected your life and perspective?

I'm choosing to share the YouTube video below with my students tomorrow in hopes they will remember and understand just how important September 11th is in our modern history. The kids I work with were really young when this happened-- some of the youngest only being around seven or eight-years-old that morning. It will be interesting to have them think about that day, what they remember, and to have them consider how the attacks have affected their lives and our nation.

That day changed so much for so many. It has shaped so much in our modern history. How will you remember September 11, 2001?

A three generation teaching moment...

2009-09-01T19:04:00.000-07:00

(Image from here)

The most amazing thing happened today. Actually, a couple of amazing things happened. To understand their significance; however, you first have to know something about where I come from and why I chose to teach. As many of you know I come from a pretty amazing little town in Iowa. We are known for producing good football teams and kids who have been taught how to follow their dreams no matter how big or unrealistic. Of course, none of this would be possible without great teachers and mentors. I am so lucky because I can't pinpoint which teacher impacted me the most-- and not just my teachers at school but also the other teachers in my life who weren't part of the school.

Because of these teachers, I became a teacher. I knew what it felt like to realize my dreams with the help of my teachers and wanted to make sure that I could return the favor to the kids in my community- wherever that would be. See, my teachers taught me a lot more than just reading, writing, math, history, and science. They taught the important stuff too, like how to keep a positive attitude, how to reach goals even when they seemed out of reach, how to be a good person, how to do the right thing, how to use the accademic skills they taught to solve real life problems, and so much more. My track coach, Mr. Kerns, was among those teachers.

At the end of the school year last June, I handed out a very Mr. Kerns-esque farewell gift to my students. In fact, I remember him giving me something very similar when I was on his track team. I printed up a little colored sheet of paper that had all of the important lessons I had hoped my kids learned from our class throughout the year. I handed it to them as a reminder of what they had accomplished and that what they had accomplished really does matter. I also gave them a little gold dot of tape to stick on their phones. It was to remind them that they really can reach their goals as long as they keep trying their best to do the right things... At the time, I didn't know how well recieved those little dots and slips of paper would be. Today was the day I'd find out.

As summer passed and I had gotten word of what had happened to Mr. Kern's best friend, Coach Thomas, I couldn't help but think of what Mr. Kerns was going through. I began to think about his situation even more after I had heard Mr. Kerns agreed to take on a co-headcoach position to help fill Coach Thomas's place. I kept wondering what I'd be feeling if I were in his shoes-- if my best friend were to tragicly die and how I'd react. After mauling it over for several days I decided to send Mr. Kerns a letter. I wanted to let him know that I still cared about him and what he taught. I wanted to offer a word of encouragement espeically whith his new task at hand. I wrote it. I sent it off, and didn't expect to hear much back, especially concidereing how time consuming coaching can be. I should have known better. Mr. Kerns always found time for us. Why would that change now?

Today was an amazing day. At school a few kids stopped me and showed me they still had their dots. They gave me a hug, and I could see the important lessons really did get through to them. As a teacher, this is the best gift. This is why I do what I do. It was great. When I got home, I started in on my usual routine. I said hello to my neighbors, blogged a little, and washed the dishes. Then the phone rang. At first I thought it was long lost family friend, but it turned out to be Mr. Kerns. He had gotten my letter and the little pop can tab I had included to remind him that he "can" get through the loss of his friend and still manage to find the stamina to coach the team. He wanted to thank me and shoot the breeze.

I'll be honest the whole thing was surreal. Today, I was able to thank my coach over the phone- the coach who taught me far more than just running. I also had the chance to tell him I was not only able to use his lessons in my adult life, but I was also able to pass them down to my students. I even was able to appologize for "stealing" some of his really great teaching stratagies (He responded with a humble, "Everything I used was stolen. That's the stuff that works the best anyway"). I had the chance to tell him that my kids, thanked me today for sharing his lessons with them last year.

I don't quite know how to explain what this feels like, especially because it all happened in such an ordinary, matter-of-fact way. The kids just stopped by with no prompt at all. He just called out of the blue while I was washing my dishes. The only thing I do know right now, is that I feel really lucky. I don't know that many folks have a chance to have an experience like this. I also have a feeling it's one of those situations that few can truly appreciate.

So, today I feel lucky. I feel lucky for having had the chance to be a part of a three-generation teaching moment. There really are no words to explain how amazing that feels. :)

Thanks for taking a second to share the moment.

Starting Strong...

2009-09-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

(Photo from here)

When I ran the mile in high school I had to start strong. It was part of my style and part of my survival plan. I would toe up to the waterfall start, embrace the nervous energy that gurgled around in my stomach, and sprint like mad to get to the front of the pack. From there, I worked with what I had left and dug deep when things started to get tough. I was never the meet's most valuable runner nor did I make it to state, but I sure did P.R. (personal record), and I got better at almost every meet. It felt good. It made me happy. It offered valuable coping techniques that I still use-- sometimes more than I thought I ever would.

As I start my fifth year of teaching I sort of feel like I did almost ten years ago when I "toed up" to the line. Granted "the gun" went off almost a week ago, I'm still working hard to stay in front of the pack. It feels good to be out in front, full of energy, and anxious to get after it. And, so far, I'm off to a great start. Just like track, I can feel myself getting better. I can diagnose things sooner than the first years I taught. I've found more efficient ways to work and organize. I can feel myself getting stronger and building stamina. Maybe someday I'll be the master teacher I want to become. However, I really do like the getting better process-- even if it stinks sometimes! At the moment, though, I'm savoring the start. It was a good one, now I just have to figure out how to maintain...

Some inspiration

2009-08-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

I posted a video below of how my hometown is doing. I don't mean to get stuck on this topic, but it really is inspirational and is worth taking the time (just under 15 min.) to look at. It still amazes me just how powerful empathy, faith, and perseverance can be in the hands of everyday folks. What's even more awesome is how contagious it can be. Feel free to "catch" the spirit and/or pass it on. It sure puts a different spin on things.

(Video from ESPN's E:60)

And we're off!!

2009-08-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

We had our first day of school today (without the kiddos) and I was pleasantly surprised. Usually inservice days aren't all that uplifting, but today was different. It was a good way to start. I feel energized, empowered, and ready to go. Not to mention that I am really excited to meet the kiddos (Thursday). Now I just have to work on some of those finishing touches...

For those of you who are reading and are teachers, students, or parents I hope you have a great school year this year. I have a feeling it's going to be a fantastic year! :)

Eeyore vs. Tigger...

2009-08-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

Dr. Randy Pausch (author of The Last Lecture) once suggested that we have a choice to either be Tiggers or Eeyores. I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, I felt myself slip in a bit of an Eeyore mode today when I started talking about school with some friends, and it ticks me off. What's worse is that I think I spread a little bit of my Eeyore spirit, and I feel just awful about it.

The worst part about feeling like an Eeyore is that the transformation took me by surprise. I'm usually much more of a Tigger, especially when it comes to school. In fact, I vowed not to become an Eeyore, but alas I felt the Eeyores start setting in last year as I found myself dealing with a few students who really pushed me to my limit and as I let myself get sucked into some slimey school politics. I knew it, though, and thought that my very relaxed summer had chased the Eeyores away. Today I realized they decided to cling on a little tighter than I thought.

School starts in about two weeks, so that gives me a little less than two weeks to ditch my case of Eeyores. Unfortunately, I think I might need all the help I can get on this one...

P.S. I'm open to suggestions.

Interesting Concept...

2009-08-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

I just read a book that has me scratching my head and wondering about things, so I thought I'd take a moment to share....

Yesterday I finished Kris Radish's book, Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral. It's a book about a middle- aged woman named Annie who has died and planned this fantastic traveling funeral for her best friends-- no traditional ceremony/memorial service for this woman! She sends them to the places that mean the most to her and where she left, or in some cases found, a little bit of herself. At each spot she asks her best friends to spread her ashes, in order to help them let her go. In the process of the funeral, the women find each other and are reminded how important it is to make the most of life at every turn. The women walk away as tight friends who realize it's important to remember those who have gone before, but it's also important to keep on living, loving, and forgiving. Generally speaking, it's standard "chick lit" (In other words, it's not Walt Whitman, Keating, or Hemingway), and it has it's really hoaky moments. At the same time, it still has me contemplating... musing, if you will.

I know thinking about life and death might seem morbid, but this is the kind of book that makes me think about life and death in a non-morbid way. It even sort of feels like a challenge to live life instead of letting life live me. I'll be honest, I'm sort of a sucker for books with this theme, mainly because I've been dead set since high school on living my life to the fullest and sometimes need a reminder or two to keep it that way. It also helps me to reflect on the things (both outlandish and not) that I have done so far, and it makes me wonder where I'd send my best friends if I were to send them on my traveling funeral... Morbid? Maybe. Intriguing? For sure.

So let me ask you, dear friends, where would you send your friends if you were to have them go on your traveling funeral????

The High Dive...

2009-08-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

This Norman Rockwell picture pretty much describes it... even if it seems cliche. I'm at a very interesting jumping off point, and I feel a little like this kid... Only I'm pretty stoked about the jump. I'd like to think I'm embracing the butterflies that are swimming around in my stomach. The jump hasn't happened quite yet, but I'll be honest; I'm enjoying the anticipation and wouldn't change a thing about it! :)

A Special B-day Shout Out!

2009-08-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

(Photo from here)

My dear friend, Alissa, over at Grace's Birdcage is celebrating her birthday today, and I wanted to give her a little shout-out. She is one of my dearest and oldest friends (as in, I've known her since 8th grade). She deserves nothing but the best today. Happy birthday friend. May your day be filled with more glitter than you thought possible! :)

Julie & Julia

2009-08-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited to see Julie & Julie today with a friend. I've been eying this movie for a while now and am so excited to finally see it this afternoon. I'll let you know how it is. :)

Ahhh.... :)

2009-08-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

(The Trail)

It's always amazing to me how much better things seem after a nice walk and a cup of something warm.

Thanks Saphron...

2009-08-03T11:51:00.000-07:00

My friend Saphron over at Tilting at the Universe has given me a tag/ Honest Scrap blogging award. She gave me the award and asked me to pass it along to ten other recipients. Apparently I'm to share 10 honest things about myself, as are those I tag, and then tag/give ten new folks the award. Should you be tagged, which is pretty much a certainty if you follow my blog, then it would be helpful if you followed the directions below so we can share the love with as many fellow bloggers as possible.

Here are the rules:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self; it must be shared.
2 . The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.
3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.
4. Those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given with this award.
5. Those 10 bloggers that receive this award should link back to the blog that awarded them.

Here is my "Honest Scrap":

1. I just became a fan of gardening this summer.

2. I don't really like the texture or taste of raw tomatoes.

3. One of my favorite hikes of all time is The Highline Trail in Glacier National Park.

4. I sometimes have been known to sing in my sleep.

5. I once fell asleep while I was teaching (However, in my own defence, the day before I taught a full day of school and then worked a shift at a restaurant until close... I was exhausted).

6. I don't really like peanut butter.

7. I was almost arrested for trespassing and skinny dipping in our public pool the summer I graduated from High School.

8. There's something in Chinese food that just outright makes me sick (literally).

9. One of my favorite memories about living in Europe was when I'd run down the road that ran next to the Rhine and to an old castle. The road was canopied in trees and dotted with bold magenta peonies. It was very enchanting.

10. One of the best gifts I have been given in my teaching career was a petunia from a student for Mother's day. He doesn't have a mom, and chose to give it to me instead. I couldn't have been more honored or humbled.

Now I would like to award/tag the following fellow bloggies with The Honest Scrap Award....

Kim, Dan, Don, Alissa, Peter, Mrs. Nesbitt, Ashlea, Mrs. Tabor, Jordan Albertson, and that's all I've got unless I tag Saphron again.

Blue.

2009-08-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

I had such a good weekend. The New Chapter came home for a weekend visit from his work stint in North Dakota. We played lots of softball with our team. We made a fantastic, five-star walleye dinner for two, and we loafed around the house a bit. It was fantastic.

But, all good things must come to an end. Saturday afternoon, we walked off the softball field for the last time this season, and I must say I was a little surprised at how bummed I was. This morning we packed up The New Chapter's truck, and I stood in our driveway waving him off on his journey back to the work site while also trying to ward off "the loneliness birds". Then this afternoon, I looked at my calender only to realize this weekend pretty much marked the end of my summer, as the start of school is quickly approaching.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit blue this evening. I'm so glad the weekend was great and that The New Chapter was here. At the same time, I'm a little sad that summer is drawing to an end, softball season is closed, and that The New Chapter had to go back to North Dakota. I'm sure that "this too shall pass" and that I'll dream up a few adventures for this up coming week and even start getting excited for school, but for now I'm just a little blue and that's all there is to it.

Back in the saddle again...

2009-07-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

(Image from here.)

It's been a while since I've taken myself for a good mountain bike ride, and yesterday was the day I got back into the saddle again. Due to a broken bike rack I had to bike to the trail head (quite a little journey in and of itself), do the 10 mile ride, and then bike home. Despite a rather long detoured trip home (I was trying to find an alternative route to avoid traffic), the ride was fantastic, and I can't wait to do it again!

The wildflowers were out in full force--thanks again to the wet summer we've had. The creek was clipping along at a cheerful pace, and the hill itself wasn't quite as steep as I remembered... whew! At the top, I took a little break at a quaint crossing bridge and then headed, full bore, back down the hill. When I wasn't thinking about how to dodge the next rock ahead, I couldn't help but notice how much fun I was having, especially on the downhill that used to terrify me. I guess I've come along way from where I started in the mountain biking scheme of things. Maybe there is something to "getting back on the horse" or "trying something every day that's just a little bit scary". Now I can't wait to find the next trail... Let's just hope I can fix my bike rack!

Yellowstone National Park...

2009-07-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

(A geyser pool just behind Old Faithful)

(The Yellowstone Falls from the South Rim)

(On top of Mt. Washburn, the volcano that created the Yellowstone Caldera)

Every summer I visit Yellowstone National Park at last once. It's only about 90 miles away from where we live, and I figure if I don't take advantage of it now, I'll kick myself later. So when I looked at the calender after I woke up Tuesday morning and realized I had yet to take my annual trip and that the days of summer vacation were quickly disappearing, I quickly loaded up the car and headed off. Each year I've gone the trip has been great, and this year's solo adventure was no exception.

I saw lots of animals on this trip, more so than usual. From the safety of my car I saw a HUGE bull elk, a bear, quite a few cow & caff elk combos, and a few dear. From the trail I had the chance to see a heard of mountain goats grazing near the top of Mt. Washburn (the volcano that created the famous Yellowstone caldera), a mule deer fawn who looked rather doe-eyed, and an incredibly fat marmot. I of course saw lots of buffalo too, but that's always a given in Yellowstone-- I probably take seeing them for granted.

Outside of seeing lots of animals I saw more wildflowers than I've ever seen in the park this time of year; I'm guessing it's because we've had more rain than usual. I also was able to take in amazing views from the top of Mt. Washburn, Tower Falls, the Yellowstone Falls, Yellowstone Lake, and I of course stopped to see Old Faithful do her thing. I don't know why, but there are just some things, like seeing Old Faithful, that are a must for me-- even despite the hoards of people.

I also try to add at least two new things to my Yellowstone adventure each year. Last year I added watching the sunset over Lake Yellowstone while sipping on a glass of wine from inside the Lake hotel-- truly a magical moment. I also hiked the whole way around the famous Yellowstone falls (the North and South Rims)-- which was also beautiful. This year I added the Mt. Washburn hike and a walking tour of the geysers, springs, and pools behind Old Faithful. I'm glad I got to add them both in, but I think one of the highlights of the trip was actually finding a camping spot (almost impossible on a spontaneous trip to the park this time of year).

All in all, it was a delightful adventure, and it reminded me just how lucky I am to be only a couple of hours from the unique beauty of Yellowstone. Life is good. I feel lucky. Mother Nature is amazing.

What do you do, or have you done, that reminds you your life is good?

Check this out...

2009-07-27T21:37:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd treat myself to a video from my local video store today. I haven't visited the store in a while as it seems like I've seen a good chunk of the new titles or that the movies just don't look that appealing to me at the moment. Today's visit to the store started out in that way, but then at the very last minute this independent film, Last Stop for Paul, caught my eye.

I happen to be reading a really good book at the moment based on a similar idea (friends spreading the ashes of another friend), and I love to travel, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. I'm so glad I did. It's a little out-there at times, but if you've ever traveled (especially outside of your own country) or have ever had the travel/adventure bug, you should really take a look at this picture. It will take you back to your favorite travel "out-there" adventures and/or make you want to find some new ones.

Another cool thing about this film-- which you can find and read more about under the "about" link on the movie's website-- is that there were really only three people on the entire crew at any given time. They also filmed the entire thing with one camera, a couple of wireless microphones, three batteries, and a rough outline for their story. Who says you can't do more for less in the film industry? It's hard not to be inspired by the creativity and resourcefulness used to create this film.

It really is a treat of a film. Enjoy :)

Ahhh...

2009-07-25T23:03:00.000-07:00

A photo I took on a recent hike with The New Chapter

Today was a day

I could smile

and say,

"There is verry little I would change."

I'd love to hear about a day or a moment you wouldn't change, or at least wouldn't change very much...

Filters...

2009-07-24T10:57:00.001-07:00

Photo of a flowery meadow on one of my hikes

As I've mentioned previously, I've had a lot to think about in the past few weeks. After thinking about all of those happenings and as I have tried to capture the beauty around me on film, I have come to an important conclusion and maybe even one that will become a truth for me:

Seldom are things worthy enough to be seen in black and white, and so I must dare
to think in color.

As I think about this idea, the more intrigued I become. Sometimes it's much easier to see things in black and white instead of seeing a situation in all the dimensions color offers. Seeing in black and white makes a complex situation simpler; it makes things more digestible; it tones down the graphics of it all. There are sometimes when seeing things in black and white works well and is the best choice. Sometimes the textures, angles, and shades of the situation are just so vivid, so beautiful, or so horrid that we just can't comprehend them in color, but a black and white filter simplifies it just enough that we can better understand what is at hand. There are very few situations worthy of a black and white filter.

Seeing in black and white limits our understanding. It flattens out those subtle textures, angles, and shades that can only appear in color; it flattens them to the point where those details disappear completely. As those dimensions disappear so does our full understanding of the situation. We don't see the blemishes. We can't tell if we're looking at shades of red, blue, or green. We loose that depth that only a color-filter can detect. As a result, we also miss out on the details that help us feel and think in 3-D. There are very few situations worthy of a black and white filter.

There are also those situations that lie in between-- there are always those situations. These in-between situations are some of the hardest. The full-color details are painfully vivid to the point where we are tempted to ease it with the black and white filter. But, when we try to put them in black and white they are muted just enough that we can't we can't connect with them in the same way we once did. Sure, black and white can take off the edge, but when we take off the edge we often lose a little bit of the truth. There are very few situations worthy of a black and white filter.

When I think about these two filters from behind my camera lens, at my teacher's desk, in my living room, or from behind the newspaper, I feel challenged. There are a lot of situations I'd like to put in black and white. It might make something look cooler; it might make something more acceptable; it might make something easier to deal with or come to a conclusion about. But, are those situations worthy of the black and white filter? Will it lose too much detail and depth. Will it lose too much of the truth? And so I have concluded: seldom are things worthy enough to be seen in black and white, and so I must dare to think in color.

Which filters do you use?

Yesterday's possibility...

2009-07-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Bell flowers overlooking the canyon.

Photo from the trail looking down on the reservoir shown below.

Photo of the reservoir before I took off for the trail.

After a short blog session and a few chores around the house yesterday I went, and I dwelled (in possibility, of course!). This is what I saw. Man, was it a beautiful hike! I especially enjoyed the vistas of the mountains around me and the vibrant green meadows filled with beautiful wild flowers. I'm not quite sure why, but the wild flowers have really caught my eye this season. We've gotten a lot of rain this summer, more so than any other summer I've lived in Montana; perhaps this is why the blooms are more plentiful and colorful than in past years. It is getting hotter though, hence the haze in the pictures above, so I'm sure the days of the wildflowers are numbered.

The hike must have been a bit more strenuous than I thought too-- my legs are still burning a day later. I guess the burning could be a sign that I'm just out of shape, but who wants to dwell in that possibility?? ;)

So what kind of possibilities dwell in your weekend? I'd love to hear about what you have planned or whatever just happens to happen. Happy Friday, and happy adventuring! :)

Possibility...

2009-07-23T08:30:00.001-07:00

A photo I took on my way back from History Rock...

"Dwell in possibility..."

~Emily Dickinson

My Quiet Solitude

2009-07-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

(A photo I took on one of my solo hikes.)

It has been a while, okay a long while since I've blogged. I guess I was (and still sort of am) on a bit of sojourn. I don't apologize, though, because it was a much needed rest period. I needed to go home. I needed to process all that went on there. I needed to re-learn how to live alone again (The New Chapter is still away for work). I needed to relax to the point where I could sit at my kitchen table and only hear the hum of the refrigerator and the beat of my heart (This did literally happen. I'm not just being poetic nor was I having a heart attack-- it was just that quiet). I haven't had the chance to relax this deeply and be this quiet since I lived in that barn in that teeny-tiny, middle-of-nowhere-Montana town where I got my start as an adult. This quiet, alone time has been delightful. I feel like me again, and am revisiting the things that make me. It feels good.

In some ways I feel bad because I have let myself slip off the face of my social, every-day world, and some of my friends are worried. I haven't gotten that excited about starting school yet, unlike some of them. I declined an invitation to go with a friend on her family vacation to one of my most favorite places (the Highline Trail in Glacier National Park). I haven't picked up very many phone calls. I haven't invited anyone to go on the many hikes I've tried or invited anyone to do much of anything for that matter. I've just been in the process of being and remembering how to be. I assure you that there is no need for alarm. I'm quite happy and have been doing lots of hiking, organizing around the house, gardening, reading, and the like. I'm far from being depressed. I guess you could say that I'm just getting back to the basics of who I am and will be a much better for taking the time to do it.

I have also been processing a lot of things that have happened in the past year or two, and my best processing happens in solitude and silence. I'm pleased to report that my family is doing really well-- My brother is moved into his new house post-tornado, and my parents should be in theirs by the end of August. In other words, my family is really close to achieving their "new normal" daily routine, which is a HUGE sigh of relief for us all. My family is not alone in finding its new normal. My hometown is also doing really well. The progress I saw on this trip and the general emotional atmosphere is nearly resurrected from the rubble. Although, just as The New Chapter and I were driving home, we received word that our beloved teacher and football coach was shot in the weight room in a drug-related shooting by a former player. The shooting has left all us all feeling a little numb again-- maybe even more numb than after the tornado last May.

In fact, I can honestly say that the passing of Coach Thomas has made me take a hard look at my own life, where I am at, and where I want to be. This self-evaluation has been the subject of much of my musings lately, and I have a feeling it has been on the minds of the many he touched. He was just that kind of guy. He made all of us want to continually strive to be the best we could be. Even in his death we can still hear him coaching us to do the right thing, work hard, give our best, keep pushing through, and to have pride and passion in all that we do. The words are so clear that in some ways his death doesn't even seem real. Although, I wasn't as close to him as many were, I've come to realize that because he helped lay the foundation for much of what my hometown stands for and my pride in Parkersburg, I am more affected by his passing than I thought. That says something about his character and might explain why so many from my hometown are feeling even more numb now than after the tornado hit last May. The whole thing is a lot to process.

But, I can say with confidence that we will all rise up again and be better than we were before; he would expect nothing less of us. The ironic thing is that for a good chunk of us, it will be his mantras, or a variation of them, that will help us through this rough patch just like they helped us in the classroom, on the football field, during those tough times we faced in our adult lives, through the aftermath of the tornado... His mantras helped us then, and they will help us again as long we don't forget what he taught us and remember to pass them on--there truly would be no better memorial for a man who touched so many.

So in my effort to be my best me, and to pay tribute to such a great man and to my Parkersburg roots, I am in quiet solitude thinking about how I can and what i will do to achieve my goal. I'm finding that for some areas in my life, I have to go back quite a ways to find the answer; it's amazing how time has a sneaky way of leading us off track. While in other areas, the answer lies in a hybrid of things from my distant past as well as from my more recent past. I just hope the conclusions I come to will reflect in the way I live, and I hope I can find and embrace the chances I have to pass on some of the mantras that were given to me from my roots and have helped me get to where I am today.

My reading list...

2009-06-18T16:37:00.000-07:00

One of my goals this summer is to read as much as I can, and to read a wide variety of stuff-- both the fluffy and the classics. Right before summer started I finished Firefly Lane, which is a fantastic, light read by the way. Now I'm working on an American classic (at least I'd like to think it is) Gone with the Wind. I'll admit, it was a little hard to get into, but now I can't wait to watch Scarlet become Scarlet. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Also on the list for the summer (mind you, some of this is to see what the kids are reading...)

Twilight

Angels and Demons

The Sweet Potato Queens

House of Sand and Fog

What's on your summer reading list?

My project...

2009-06-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

My mom loves wildflowers. She loves them so much that she really wants to come out to Montana and take in some of the blooms, but because of all the work that needs to be done on the new house, she can't come this year. She also lost most of her wall art in the tornado and is in need of some to fill up the walls of the new house. So, I'm taking it upon myself to create some wall art for her that I can hand-deliver in just over a week. I'm not sure how it will all turn out, but hey, it's the effort that counts most, right?

As you've noticed, I've been practicing to make sure the pictures are as fantastic as I can make them. They are, for sure, the work of an amateur, but I have surprised myself in some instances. Here's what I came up with last night on my stroll around the neighborhood... As you will see, I need a little help on the correct names for these guys. Any help you might be able to offer would be greatly appreciated :)

Larkspur (I think...)

Blue Flax (one of mom's favorites)

I'm not quite sure what this is...

Wild Lily of the Valley (I think...)

Harebells (I think...)

One last thing...

2009-06-14T13:30:00.000-07:00

The day after the wedding was probably just as entertaining as the wedding and reception themselves. I woke up on my friend's couch still wearing my little white, Jackie Kennedy party dress and black Mary-Jane shoes. As I lifted myself off the couch smacking my lips wondering what was yielding this awful taste in my mouth, I couldn't help but laugh when I saw there was still a blade of grass attached to the button on my shoe. I didn't look in a mirror because I'm certain I would have screamed in fright, so I contented myself by thinking I probably looked a lot like somebody's drunk Aunt Ethal after one heck of a night... My friend assured me this was so.

It's been a long time since I let my my hair all the way down... and I realized that the wedding reception was just the reminder I needed to not take myself so seriously. And so now, I vow to remember to laugh at myself more often and focus more on the light-hearted stuff than the deep, dark realities that seemed to have consumed a lot of my being this past school year. When I announced this to my very wise friend, she was quick to give me a high five and said, "It's about time you realized that... Welcome back."

At that moment we also decided that after we had tracked down my missing phone and picked up my car from the reception site (Ya, it was that kind of night... but at least i didn't try to drive!), that we would make the most of our hungover states by partaking in a really greasy burger and going to the movie The Hangover. We giggled most of the way out to my car as we started to recall the evening's events. What a way to start the summer! The movie also had us in stitches even if it was a bit off color.

Luckily our hangovers weren't too horrible, and we had a great day despite our foggy heads. So here, here to great friends, fun weddings, and not taking ourselves so seriously.

P.S.
I've included the movie trailer from The Hangover... oddly fitting for the themes in this post. :) Enjoy, I highly recommend it.

Congrats Dr. Chris & Dr. Sarah!

2009-06-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

(Photo from here.)

On Friday, one of my former roommates was married to a wonderful gal. The wedding was absolutely beautiful and the party that followed was fantastic. The colors they chose were as bright and happy as their personalities. There were lots of wildflowers and amazing views of spring green pastures leading to the snow-capped Spanish Peaks beyond. It really was breath taking, and couldn't have been a more perfect reflection of such a grand pair of folks.

At the reception, which was held in a barn with windows overlooking the scene described above, the tables were clad with snow white linens, adorned with bright wild flowers, and held more than an ample supply of wine. Thanks to my friend Lisa and the encouragement of a few other friends, my glass was never empty. As a result, not only did I have a screaming headache the next day, but I was told the party had some rather interesting moments, including the little nose dive I took into the grass as I was coming out of the outhouse... I'm just glad I know how to tuck and roll and am able to laugh at myself when it really is the only reasonable reaction.

Regardless, it was beautiful wedding, and it was made of the stuff weddings are supposed to be made of... The wedding was about them and their commitment to one another, not about the wedding itself. It's so great to be at weddings like this when great people understand fully what they are about to begin, and it is obvious to all in attendance that it's a marriage that will last. It's fun, it's moving, and it's what weddings are supposed to be like. Thanks Chris and Sarah for inviting me to be a part of your day, I wish you the best life has to offer; you deserve nothing less. Congratulations on your marriage.

Found!! :)

2009-06-14T12:42:00.001-07:00

From a distance

A close up of the Johnny Jump-up

A close up of the proud little mushroom

A shot from above

I found the pictures of my micro adventure... I guess the fairy didn't win this one! :)

Yesterday's adventure...

2009-06-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

I wish I could show you this awesome little micro scene I found yesterday as I hiked to my second favorite waterfall in our area. It was so micro that I almost missed it as I strolled down the well-trodden trail, but the bright yellows and greens of the scene caught the corner of my eye. As I crouched down to get a better angle with my camera, I realized just how quaint this little scene truly was.

On top of a bright green-moss covered log and resting against a slate-grey bolder spotted with lichen, I found the tiniest mushroom standing tall and proud next to an aspiring, bright yellow Johnny Jump-up and a fully blooming one. The three of them were just hanging out together waiting for a little forest fairy or mini-gnome to come along for a sip of tea (or what ever forest fairies and gnomes find guilty pleasure in drinking) or to take a short nap underneath the shade of the mushroom's canopy or the coziness of the soft sheet of green moss blanketing the log... It was an amazing find.

The stage of this tiny scene seemed like it came right out of a story book. The colors were so vivid. The light brown mushroom in contrast to the dark grey of the bolder, the washed-out brown of the log, the bright, iridescence of the yellow blooms, and the many shades of green offered by the leaves and moss... The colors all worked together adding even more magic, existing only for those willing to pause to take in the little details or those tiny enough to live inside the scene.

I took tons of pictures, some better than others, all trying to capture some of the magic. But when I tried to download them onto my computer, I messed up. The pictures seem to be gone forever. I guess the scene was only for me...

Or maybe, just maybe, there really was a little forest fairy who was hiding underneath the soft sheet of green moss... And maybe she decided that I shouldn't have the opportunity to announce the whereabouts of her secret afternoon tea spot... And maybe, just maybe, she cast her little fairy wand towards my camera lens and cast a spell forbidding it to share the magic it so intensely tried to capture...

I guess I'll never know.

P.S.

No, I'm not crazy, nor was I partaking in hallucinogenic treats on my hike. Who needs hallucinogens when we have been given perfectly lively imaginations??? :)

Another Shout Out

2009-06-10T09:51:00.001-07:00

Through my friend Alissa at Grace's Birdcage, I found another great blog to follow. This blogger, Kim, is witty and absolutely, positively hilarious! So if you're looking for a mood lifter or just need a good hearty chuckle... head on over to Antisdel Abstract .

This blogger also did a blog swap story with Alissa, and you can find Kim's story here. Brace yourself, it's beautifully crafted and will have you rolling on the floor. :)

Enjoy :)

Slipping into Summer...

2009-06-10T08:50:00.001-07:00

(Palisade Falls)

(Yellow buds of something)

It always takes me a bit to slide into the routine of summer. It takes a while to slow down when I'm used to running 100 miles per hour five days a week and worrying about all that has to be done. But, I'm settling nicely. Last night after my run, I had a chance to go to one of my favorite spots around here. I took the camera with me to try to capture a few wild flowers and play with the functions on my camera. This is what I came up with... It was a great little adventure and I can't wait for the ones that will follow! :)

(Glacier Lily with friends)

(Glacier lily with sidekick)

A fun find!

2009-06-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

Hello friends. I just have to let you know about a blog I found, Woodpixels and Narratives. This is a blog put together by a gentleman who takes photos and offers them up for narration. I fell in love with the picture below. For those of you who know me, I'm sure you can understand why this picture spoke to me. I found it over at pictures poetry & prose a couple of weeks ago and commented. Then low and behold, Dan (the photographer) found my blog, and so the blogging network story continues... But really, you should check him out. His stuff is great! It's hard not to be inspired.

"The Church"
Photo by Dan Felstead
Wood and Pixels Narratives - http://www.woodandpixels.blogspot.com/
ETSY Shop: Wood andPixels - http://www.woodandpixels.etsy.com/

I'm back!!!

2009-06-07T15:46:00.001-07:00

The end of school rush is officially over, and I'm half way done with my very thorough stem-to-stern house cleaning that has been put on the back burner for about three months. In other words, I'll be a much more active part of the blogging world... at least when I'm not venturing around our playground. The new chapter has also left for a long work stint in North Dakota, so I'll have more free time on my hands than I'd like.

In the mean time, I have taken a few pics around our neighborhood. One of the gifts the new chapter gave me for my birthday was a digital camera. I hope to master all of its functions so I can not only tell you about those ineffable Montana moments but show you them as well. Here are a few to give you a little preview of what you can expect in the future. Yay, for technology! :)

(A Montana sunset from our Deck 5/30/2009.)

(Sunset from our deck 5/30/2009)

(Lupine Lane with the Bridger Mountains in the background, not far from our house).

Happy Summer! Let the adventures begin!

Looking Back...

2009-05-25T12:48:00.001-07:00

It has been a year since the tornado leveled my hometown. It's hard to imagine. So much has happened since I got those frantic phone calls from my friends and family making sure everyone was okay. Looking back on it know, the whole thing was eerie and really scary. Oddly, even though we're on the upswing of things, today I feel just as obsessed as I did the day it happened. For the last five hours I've been sitting at my computer 1,000 miles away from home, gleaning any and all information I can glean as to how my hometown is remembering what was lost and celebrating what has been reconstructed. Today I don't feel helpless, like the days that followed immediately followed the tornado; Today I feel homesick wishing I were closer to those who understand what happened.

On the positive side, I can also look through the old articles, posts, and videos and remember just how lucky I am. I'm lucky no one in my family was hurt. I'm lucky my parents and brother are doing well. I'm lucky that I am from a hometown that doesn't give up. I'm lucky for modern technology that helps me feel as connected as possible on a day that I feel farther than 1,000 miles from home. For these things, I am grateful.

In my quest to stay connected, I've found some video I'd like to share on the progress of my little home town. I was so lucky that I even found a segment that showed my parent's new house. The last time I saw the house (at Christmas time) the basement was full of snow and the trusses had yet to be put up. Now, it's nearly finished despite the harsh winter Parkersburg had. The progress really inspiring. (P.S. It's the square house with the chimney and the rock on the corner of the lot).

So on today May 25, 2009, I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to the 9 who died in the tornado, the folks who survived it, and all of the folks who were there to put the pieces back together.

Here's a second video that helps capture what went on in Parkersburg today....

A perfect day...

2009-05-17T20:13:00.000-07:00

My idea of a perfect day was today. It wasn't over the top. I didn't go on any amazing adventures nor was I the outgoing social butterfly I can sometimes be, but it was still remarkable in its own ordinary way. There isn't a thing I'd change about it, especially not that amazing Montana sunset that marked its end.

I hope you have a perfect day. :)

Changes...

2009-05-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

I turn 27 this week, and I definitely feel different this time around. I guess it makes sense, a lot has changed this year. When I think through the list, no wonder I feel different. Hmm... I wonder what will change this upcoming year??? But for now, I think I'll enjoy the cake :)

Nuggets of Wisdom...

2009-04-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

(Photo from here)

I'm not quite sure what the new chapter put in my egg sandwich this morning, but I feel like I'm bursting with energy and inspiration today. And, given this past week has been kind of tricky for me, and I'd prefer not to repeat some of my mistakes, I'm going to "take a post" to show what I've learned, or in some cases re-learned.

Teaching can be tricky sometimes. There's the teaching element (working with and looking out for the kids, preparing lessons, making assignments, grading assignments, etc.); there's also the social, work-place element-- the politics of it all. This year I've found myself in a deeper a political pit than I'd like to be. I find myself getting more worked up and drained by the social and political elements of my job than by the teaching/kid element. It makes me sad. I often pride myself in comforting some of my female students by saying, "don't worry, the social part gets better after high school," but does it? I'm not so sure. So I guess one nugget I've pulled out of last week is that it really is okay to spend the majority of my school time in my "hobbit hole". It helps me stay focused on the teaching part of my job (the most important part) and helps prevent me from getting sucked up into a world of social mishaps and politics that only leave me tapped out and depressed. Granted, I know it's important to emerge from that "hobbit hole" from time to time, but it does help to be reminded of the quiet sanctuary it can provide.

This week I've also realized I simply talk too much. I'm not sure what possesses me to talk so much sometimes, but I'd really like to do it less. There are so many interesting things out there just waiting to be read, heard, or observed, and most of them are far more interesting than what I have to say. Not to mention that my Chatty Cathy tendencies are also wearing on me during the time of the school year when energy is a much sought after commodity. A good friend once told me that we have two ears and one mouth and we should use them accordingly in that ratio-- we should listen twice as much as we speak. I'm going to try really hard to follow that advice. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Who knows, maybe my progress will even translate to my writing style.

A couple of years back when I was having a really rough time, my mom sent me an amazing birthday card. I'm pretty sure it was from the Mia Angelo collection-- it has that simple and wise Mia Angelo tone to it. I keep it posted above my desk because it's chalk full of little nuggets of wisdom that are so easy to forget but often make all of the difference. One part of it says, "Listen to your heart. If you can't hear what it's saying in this noisy world, make time for yourself. Enjoy your own company." Boy, was that ever the reminder towards the end of this week. Thanks for the reminder Mom and Mia; I feel much better after some much needed me time. I can finally hear my own heart beating.

My mind rarely rests (one of the plagues of being a wandering spirit who musses), and sometimes I need a little help saving myself from me. I'm lucky to have friends who understand this about me and seem to instinctively know when I need help escaping from my own criticisms and weird need to please others. This time I found my help in the new chapter. I'm pretty sure he didn't even realize he was helping me-- I didn't say a word, nor did he-- but he rescued me from me none the less. After a particularly long session of beating myself up about stupid things and feeling really unbalanced, I emerged from my lady lair attempting to be composed, buried my head into the crook of his shoulder, and instantaneously the fight within stopped. Not long after, my brain shut off, and I fell fast asleep-- which never happens to me. I'm lucky. I'm so lucky.

And now I find myself at the start of a new week. I feel refreshed. I feel lucky instead of defeated. I even feel at peace enough that I can read for my own guilty pleasure, not because I have to read for work-- something I haven't been able to do in a long, long time. Ahhh....

The Date...

2009-04-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

The date with myself was awesome yesterday. I feel much more like me and am ready to tackle the world. Funny how one day can change so much. I highly recommend taking yourself on a date day; it's one of the easier ways to get back to center.

I did some yoga, went for a walk, did some chores around the house, headed into town to catch a screening of Earth (great flick by the way), picked out a new summer read (Firefly Lane), ran some errands, rented a few movies (Marley & Me and Seven Pounds), and chilled out in my lady lair all evening long munching on Taco Bell, sipping on a glass of white wine, and taking in the films I rented. It was lovely, just lovely.

Now it's on to grade the 40 research papers I've been putting off while the snow keeps steadily falling outside my window... I guess I picked a good day to grade! :)

Getting back to center...

2009-04-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

My friend over at Grace's Birdcage Wedding once wrote...

Do you ever have days where you kind of look forward to hanging out with
yourself? Not being by yourself - but like my mind was literally like 'hey you,
lets be buddies and chill together.

I'm having one of those days. I just want to hangout with myself. Life has been moving so fast, and I feel like there have been so many changes around me that I just need to take a day to slow down, screw my head on straight, and get reacquainted with me. It feels like it's been eons since I've hung out with myself, and I'm really craving that quiet, relaxed chill time.

The new chapter is out of the house for today, and the sun is actually shining (it snowed another foot at our house yesterday :( Boo! ). Maybe I'll take myself for a walk, go for a drive, have a nice lunch, get those running shoes I've been eying... the possibilities are endless. I like that! I can't wait to get reacquainted.

A Groundhog Moment?

2009-04-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

(Photo from here)

Winter this year feels like it has long overstayed its welcome. Just this past week (half way into April, mind you) it snowed almost non-stop for a day or so, leaving us with well over a foot of it at our house-- and to think, it used to be one of my favorite seasons, Ha! I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired of driving on winter roads, mustering through the cold, or the fact I didn't get to enjoy the snow this season through my usual winter adventures as much I am used to, but I am without out a doubt more than over winter. I want spring!

Another downer I've experienced this winter, is having the winter blues (a.k.a. cabin fever). The winter blues have been known to be corrallated to of a lack of sunshine (I don't know how the folks in Alaska do it) and a lack of activity. This year the blues have really taken their toll on me, which is a little unusual. I usually find a way to force myself outside to get that extra sunshine and activity, but for some reason that just didn't happen as much as it should have this year. As a result, I'm lacking my usual spunk and often feel like I'm tinted light blue around the edges with an intermittent splash of grumpy. This is not my favorite state of being! I'm ready to get back to my cheerful little self full of spunk and quirky energy, ready to tackle whatever adventures come at me. Where are you Spring?

Lucky for me, Spring sort of showed up this week. Friday was bright and sunny, at least for the last half of the day. Saturday was fantastic, melting well over half of the snow dumped on us earlier in the week. And, as I look out my window this morning and listen to the birds chirp, it looks like Sunday is going to be marvelous. Apart from the weather, we also had an invitation to start a local softball league. At first I was apprehensive; it's been a long time since I've fielded grounders and swung a bat, but after a little prodding from our friend, receiving a new pink and black glove (a gift from the new chapter), and a little practice in our backyard yesterday, I'm kind of excited. It will be an excuse to get outside, be active, and have some fun with new friends. Sounds like a great spring/summer activity to me!

Despite the long winter and the winter blues, it looks like spring has at least attempted to peek its pleasant little head out of it's burrow. The weather seems to be getting nicer, my mood has lifted a bit, I'm able to get outside more, and I'm starting to feel a bit more energetic. Let's just hope Spring decides to stay above ground for all of us to enjoy!

Happy Spring! Happy Sunday! :)

Nesting

2009-04-12T19:14:00.001-07:00

(Please Note: my new nest does NOT have eggs in it.)

This week has been crazy. We had parent-teacher conferences two nights last week (a.k.a. two really long days/nights), and I started the moving process. As of 8:15pm Easter Sunday I can proudly say that I'm 95% moved in and am 100% exhausted. I'm so glad I have a three-day weekend to get 100% moved, 100% settled, and 100% recovered.

So far so good, though. It helps that I don't have all that much stuff (only a room full) and that I'm a pretty organized mover. The New Chapter has a pretty great pick-up too, which means we could get the biggest bang for our buck on each load and could get all of my stuff in three loads, wahoo!!

The process has been interesting too. In the past when I have moved I haven't really had to worry much about blending with another person's habits, styles, and stuff. I've had roommates and host families before, but it just seems different this time-- and it is. I'm learning there is definitely a need for balance when merging two lives and all the stuff (both literally and figuratively) that goes with them. I have been given a great room and bathroom, and I'm trying to keep my "touch" in those places. I'm trying not to be too overpowering, which can be quite the trick being the Taurus and teacher that I am! After all, one of the reasons why he and I work so well is because we balance each other nicely. It only makes sense that our place should show this balance. And, not to my surprise, in maintaining the balance, it's starting to feel like home-- his fish mounts and deer antlers mixed in with my color coordinated stuff and girly smells. It works. It feels like us. It feels like home.

The Highlight of My Week...

2009-04-04T11:43:00.000-07:00

My friend Don over at Musings and Misc. Thoughts asked a good question, and because I'm short on creative juices, I'm going to take him up on it. In his April 4th post he asked, "What was the highlight of your week?" I've had a rather eventful week, so I've decided to give a top-three list of major events and highlights.

1. It's the end of the quarter at our high school this week. This inevitably means long nights of grading and stressed out students. And, not to my surprise, this week was what I expected. There were some high points as I graded, like when students did better than I had hoped. There were a few low points too when I saw just how lazy some of my students were this quarter. Overall, it was a relatively easy grading period, which in and of itself is a highlight! Not to mention that my grades are posted two days BEFORE the deadline-- which NEVER happens to me. I usually slide right under the wire at 7:59 Monday morning-- the deadline is 8:00. Wahoo! Oh, and did I mention that this also means there are only nine weeks left of school! That's worth a double Wahoo and a heel click in and of itself!

2. My friend Lisa and I had a reverse Friday on Monday and then a few other times throughout the week. Our lives have both been so busy lately, or one of the two of us has been sick, that we have been short on quality friend bonding time. We made up for it this week though! We watched Paranormal State on Monday with a few hard ciders, Criminal Minds on Wednesday-- even if it was a re-run, and last night we had a quick stop at our local micro brewery; then we followed it with a light dinner and a night of movies (Amityville Horror (the new version) and Happy Go Lucky (very British, and a little on the boring side). All in all, it was a great week to take a step away from the end-of-the quarter school stress and get back in touch with my dear friend.

3. The new chapter and I have decided to start a new phase this week. Based on where we are at in our relationship, a looming decision about finding a new roommate (he had to find one by May 1st), and our budgets, we have decided to become roommates. This is HUGE for me. I've never lived with a guy I've dated before, and am a little nervous but am also really excited. I will still have my own space (own bedroom and bath), but I won't have to stress about moving back and forth between two houses any more, which will be awesome. Not to mention that this will save us both a good chunk of money-- hello new running shoes and gym membership!

Although I am excited to take this next step, it has also made me realize that I really am an adult now and am making adult decisions. I still sort of feel like I'm 21 most of the time, so realizing that marriage and a family aren't really all that far away has been a little trippy for me this week. Don't get me wrong, I'm ready-- if I weren't, I wouldn't have agreed to move. It just marks yet another chapter closed and a new one started. I'm so glad I love new starts! :)

Well, dear readers, those were my highlights this week. What were yours?

Interesting Films

2009-03-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

I deemed yesterday a "take it easy" day. This is code for: I watched a ton of movies, napped, and surfed the web. In the process I found two films that are fantastic. Both are a bit dark but address important issues-- immigration and the history of women's suffrage. The two films were pleasant surprises from my local video store's independent film section, so they might be a little harder to find, but are well worth the watch if you find yourself having a "take it easy" day.

The Visitor (2007)

Iron Jawed Angels (2004)

The Wave

2009-03-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

Ahh... It feels so much better to be on the up-side of the wave. I just needed to feel a little better after catching this nasty strain of the flu-- which I do-- and to put things back into perspective-- which I did.

Thanks Zicam, and good job, Self! Way to pull yourself out of the rut! :)

Dear Negative Nancy...

2009-03-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Self-

I would really like it if you could stop being such a Negative Nancy. I realize that it seems life is trying to bog you down-- the school slump/burn-out, still being sick for a really long time, the crappy Montana spring weather, missing spring break because you were sick for the ENTIRE week-- but seriously, snap out of it! Things could be so much worse!

You're no fun to be around! Where did the happy-go-lucky self go? You know, the one who always smiles, has a good laugh/snort, knows how to have fun, the creative person??? Can she come back please? Is life so bad that you can't turn that frown upside down? I'm worried that if you don't get this grumpiness under control, you'll chase away your friends and your most amazing gentleman friend-- that would be terrible!

Time to pull yourself out of this rut, Self. Ready? On three... One, two, three...

A step back...

2009-03-09T16:49:00.000-07:00

My mom is the best. Every once in a while she'll send me a surprise package with some little treasure. It might be a new capaline shirt, a coupon for something I might need, a fuzzy pair of socks, warm winter mittens, or even a little note just to say "hi." But this time, I came home to find a really great treasure-- my baby pictures.

Some people might not think this is much to get excited about, but then again that "some" of people didn't have everything blow away in a tornado this spring. I am lucky I didn't lose a loved one, but of the things my family and I lost, one of the greatest losses was our personal photos. With time, though, some are trickling in, like the package my mom sent me the other day.

Apparently my aunt had saved some of those billfold-sized baby pictures from when my mom sent them out 26 years ago, and my aunt even took a few pictures herself. She gave them all to my mom, and now I have some of them. Needless to say, this package was priceless, and thank goodness it made the 1000 mile journey to Montana without incident! (Thank you Mr. Postman!)

Being able to look back at baby-me helps me appreciate all of the adventures and events that have happened over the course of my entire life. The pictures are the visual reminders of where I've been, what I was (even in my awkward junior high phases), and the people who were there along the way. Even if I would have lost the pictures for good, I still would have a history. But, the pictures are the visual reminder of that history; they are my porthole into the past reminding me of the little details that can only be captured by a snap shot. They help me remember and realize just how far I've come-- from my first smiles to my college graduation and everything in between and beyond. They remind me of my progress which is, of course, especially important on those miserable days when it feels like I'm sliding backwards instead of plowing ahead. And one day, I hope these pictures will help my kids see that I am not all that unlike them in looks or in experiences-- I too once had to learn how to smile, crawl, read, overcome adversity, grow, and be me.

So today's post is dedicated to my Aunt Linda and my Mom. Thank you for being you, for all the help you've offered me, and for giving me back a little chunk of my history. I am grateful.

My Palisade Falls Haiku

2009-03-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

Adventure buddies--

a priceless commodity

on bright afternoons

when the sun looks down,
and we stomp through the deep snow

to the frozen falls.

The forest is still,

but the snow crunches and squeaks,

pushed down by our feet.

Our voices are mute
as we huff up the steep hill,
our breathing in sync.

There, we snap photos

recording our adventure,

capturing the scene.

The frozen water

spills stiffly from the tall cliff,

white and glacier blue.

We stand together,

happily admiring

Mother nature's art.

In this winter-scape,

his warm, gentle company

chases out the chill.

Today, I am glad

my adventure buddy is--

here with me to "be."

Adventures with the new chapter...

2009-02-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

This chapter is fantastic!

Playing with the zoom button....

2009-02-21T16:43:00.000-08:00

The new chapter and I have been going on a lot of really great adventures lately, and as a result we have taken a lot of pictures. On one particular adventure we were shooting pictures on the ice when he mentioned that using the zoom button can negatively affect the quality of a picture. At first I didn't think much of it, but as of late I'm beginning to think that he might have a point and that point isn't just about photography.

Last night when we were out on the town, I overheard several very odd conversations. I wasn't trying to listen in, but for some reason the conversations caught my ear and caused me to "zoom in" on them. As I listened, I couldn't help but smile. The conversations themselves were very ordinary and even a little odd, but when I "zoomed out" of those conversations I began to realize how the seemingly odd close-ups fit perfectly together to form a more beautiful and eclectic big picture, not all that unlike the picture Walt Whitman painted in "I hear America Singing."

Zooming in can sometimes make it hard to see the beauty of an independent situation, whereas keeping things "zoomed out" can sometimes help enhance and maintain its beauty because that situation no longer stands alone-- it becomes a part of the whole. Each close-up moment plays an important role in determining the beauty of the big picture as a whole. When we zoom out, we can better see the beauty in those strange close-up moments because we can understand the importance of their roles in the big picture.

Now don't get me wrong, there are moments when I love the close-up shots. They can sometimes capture and enhance those hidden details that play an important role in big picture. There can be ineffable beauty in those moments. At the same time, when it's hard to see the beauty in those hard, uncomfortable times, it can help to zoom out of them and remember that each closeup has its role-- whether it be a tiny or a large-- in the bigger, beautiful, and eclectic big picture. In essance, knowing when and how to zoom can really help keep things in perspective. It can help us find beauty in those moments that may not seem to have any.

I'm learning that it's important to know when to use the zoom button and when to let things be. From what I've observed about life and the attitudes around me so far, there is an art to knowing how and when to zoom. Mastering the art of the zoom button yields wise and mature perspective-- a perspective I can only hope to achieve one day.

The Challenge...

2009-02-10T16:32:00.001-08:00

As I was driving to work the other day I saw the full moon setting and instinctively wrote a poem in my head.... this then became an inspiration for a challenge I issued my students, which ended up to be a really cool activity.

So I'll challenge you: In 2 minutes or less, write a poem that has a subject (it can be anything), make that subject do something, and give the whole thing some sort of setting. Then, if you're feeling really brave try to incorporate and/or play around with some elements of style (figurative language, sentence structure, sound devices, word choice, etc.).

Here's what I came up with... I can't wait to hear what you can do!

The silvery moon

silently slips through

the wispy, pre-dawn clouds.

Slipping

Silently,

Silently

Slipping,

below the western horizon.

With Freedom Comes Responsibility

2009-02-03T11:29:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure who said it or where it came from, but I couldn't agree more: With freedom comes responsibility. As a teacher, I see the importance of teaching this lesson on a daily basis. Sure, we have the freedom to speak as we choose, think as we choose, expose ourselves to things of our choice, but with that freedom comes the responsibility to think about those things and respond when necessary. In other words, we have the responsibility to do the right thing when we notice something is wrong-- even if it's hard or uncomfortable. Of course, we then have to ask ourselves what is the right thing and who determines it. I am, however, a firm believer that teaching what is right and wrong falls on the community we grow up in-- our families, neighbors, friends, teachers, schools, etc.-- and when we fail to teach responsibility people get hurt and all hell breaks loose. Perhaps, that's why our nation is in its current state??

Now, more than ever, I understand the importance as a teacher to demand that my students take responsibility for themselves, their choices, and actions. Usually the lessons of responsibility I teach are small potatoes (dealing with missing work, getting to school on time, owning up to mistakes, etc.), but if I don't teach my students how to be responsible now, it could lead to something more serious in the future. I'll be honest, I'm a little overwhelmed by that responsibility, but I won't be able to sleep at night if I don't do my part.

Unfortunately, I have found myself in a situation where I am negatively affected by someone who didn't take responsibility for his/her actions. It's so hard for me to fight my anger against this person, to acknowledge it but not let it consume me. I'm also finding it hard to know what exactly I should do-- deciding which action is the responsible action. I am in a position where I could either walk away, do nothing, and quietly deal with the consequences of this person's actions. Or, I could take the risk of holding this person accountable for what happened and hope that in some way it might teach the importance of responsibility in the light of irresponsibility.

I am left to ponder. Do I walk the talk, or do I walk away? In the mean time, I guess I'll more conscientiously do my part to teach responsibility in my classroom--I just hope this is the lesson that sticks.

A Twilight Stroll

2009-01-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

Photo by Highlander

Thanks to the folks over at Pictures, Poetry, and Prose... I was inspired to write about my walk at twilight last night...

My new chapter and I had the chance to take our first walk at twilight last night. It was ineffable and fantastic all rolled into one. We live in the northern Rockies, and the mountain ranges we can see from our house stood majestic and snow-caped against the backdrop of a perfect winter sky. Our big sky was all shades of blue, purple, pink, and orange with a few white, scraggly clouds bringing out the white chill of the snow around us. The air was crisp enough to make our eyes water, sharpening our view of the surrounding beauty, but not crisp enough to deter us from our quest. We had just missed the alpen glow, but it didn't really matter; the sky and mountains were still magnificent in those few moments before the sun slipped completely below the horizon.

As we walked down to the hill overlooking town and the three surrounding mountain ranges-- the hill where I've had most of my solo, starry-night walks, we chatted, confided, shared, laughed, hugged, cried a little, and took a few steps deeper into our relationship. We had our first Montana Moment together as we stood silently on top of the hill, hand-in-hand, ready to take on the world as a team, and feeling support from the mountains around us and encouragement from the horizon before us. Standing in that spot at that moment with this person made the current state of affairs feel a lot less bleak.

Happy

2009-01-26T17:02:00.000-08:00

(Photo from here)

I'm learning that there are all different levels and types of happiness. For example, there's hyper happy, mellow happy, content happy, deliciously tired happy, i-just-met-a-goal happy, musical happy.... the list goes on and on and on.

I don't want to jinx this in anyway, but I'm the best kind of happy right now. I'm content/peacefully happy. There are lots of factors involved: my family is doing well despite all odds, teaching is going well, I was able to grieve and get over all the stuff that happened at home this summer, that new chapter I mentioned is amazing. Again, the list goes on and on, but basically, I'm just in a really good place right now. I'm content, I'm busy, I feel loved, I'm having fun, I know I'm in the right place. I feel easily inspired. I'm happy.

And on that note of reflection and gratitude, I'm headed out for my evening walk under the big, Montana Sky, quietly hoping for a little stress release from school (good stress) and a Montana Moment. It's really cold out there, so If I don't come back... send out the troupes! (Don't worry. I won't actually be that far from my house; I'll be fine.)

Happy Monday! :)

Thinking from my classroom

2009-01-25T21:28:00.000-08:00

I'm really excited for the new semester and it's already off to a great start. One of the first activities I had my sophomores participate in was finding and responding to the deeper meaning in a text. I started by showing them Emily Dickinson's famous poem about hope and one of mine that was written in response to Dickinson's definition of hope (posted later on in this post). To take it a step farther, I had my students write briefly on how they would define hope after considering the definitions of the two poems. I was really pleased with how my students responded. There is always something amazing about watching the wheels turn in a young person's mind. Here are two student responses that really stuck out to me.

Student #1

Hope is the branch you grab while falling down a cliff.

Student #2

Hope is seeing the brighter side of a dark situation. [It's] like turning
the light bulb of hope on to bring light to a dark and bitter soul. It can
also burn out if relied upon too much or if hopes are too high and you're not
ready to accept the consequences of that hope not coming true.

The poem posted below is how I defined hope a few years ago and is the poem I shared with my students. After considering all of these thoughts on hope, dear reader, what are your thoughts?

Is hope a thing with feathers?
Can it really keep me warm?
She says it never asked a crumb of her,
But for me it takes a different form.

Hope stands haughty on a mountain top
Its golden coat shining in the sun
Majestic and inspiring
It lures me to push on.

When I finally reach it, though,
And stretch out my weary hand,
Its claws pop out and fangs appear
My heart, it demands.

Then it slowly eats away
At the things that I hold dear
Until there’s nothing left of it—
Not even my own tears.

Now I can’t help but ask myself,
Was Miss Emily right?
So much good can come from hope—
So much warmth and light.

But it only takes a moment
For Hope to change its fickle mind.
That’s when the beauty I once found in it,
No longer can I find.

Something to ponder

2009-01-18T11:06:00.001-08:00

I've been attending a Unitarian Universalist church for about a year now (quite different from the Baptist church I grew up in, but more in line with my beliefs), and I find that each time I go, I walk away with something new and/or inspiring to think about. This morning was no different.

This morning's sermon was about being our own saviors, being our own answers to our own prayers, or as Midwesterners bluntly put it: it was about pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps instead of waiting for someone else to put us back on the horse. This sermon really spoke to me. Our pastor, Rev. Lois Van Leer, suggested that often times we wait for a savior of sorts (a profit, god, the guy next to us, or a knight in shining armor) to deliver us, or others, from our miseries. However, what we often fail to see is that most of the time we, as individuals, are the ones we are are waiting for, the ones who can change the situation for the better.

Each one of us has the power to stand up for what is right. Each one of us has the power to ask for help when we need it. Each one of us has the power to put a bully in his place. It's just a matter of finding the courage and wisdom to do the right thing at the right time. If we wait for someone else to find the wisdom, courage, and power to do what needs to be done, it probably won't happen.

What an interesting thought: being our own saviors, being the ones we have been waiting for.

I connect to this on so many levels. Since I've been on my own, I have found that if I sit back and wait for some other force to take over (be it God, time, or another person) and allow that force to make my decisions or to act for me, nothing happens or the wrong (for lack of a better word) thing happens; my life continues to move in a straight line. However, if I step back, take control of what I can control, and do something about a situation, my life path, or someone else's, changes-- usually for the better.

My life would be so different if I would not have filled out that application to be a foreign exchange student after my senior year in high school. My life would be so different if I would have ignored my calling to teach. My life would be so different if I had gone along with relationships that didn't suit me. My life would be so different if I would have waited for some magical force to heal my broken heart after my home town was destroyed. My life would be so different if I only waited for some sort of savior to bail me out whenever life threw something ugly in my path.

I'm so glad that my parents and other trusted mentors taught and encouraged me to take control of my own destiny. I'm so glad they taught me to fend for myself and how to pull myself up when I get knocked down. I'm so glad they taught me how to ask for help when the obstacle is too great to be managed on my own. I'm so glad that they taught me not to be bitter about the things that happen to me or to others I care about, but to instead accept those things and deal with them as they come.

This morning I needed the reminder and affirmation that bad things can and do happen to good and innocent people. I needed to hear that I shouldn't just sit back and wait for things to change on their own, that I need to do my part. I needed to be reminded of why I teach-- to help kids find their boot straps, courage, and wisdom. I needed to be encouraged. I needed to be reminded. Mission accomplished.

Happy pondering! :)

Simple pleasures...

2009-01-17T18:15:00.001-08:00

There are a few things that are really simple but just make my little heart sing. New socks (the really squishy ones) and really comfy pajama pants. Thanks to my friend Lisa, I have two new pair of Eddie Bower skiing/hiking sox and thanks to me, I have a brand new pair of men's pajama pants from Old Navy (my legs are too long to find women's p.j. pants that fit well). So as I snuggle in to watch a few movies, I plan on sporting these simple pleasures and zoning out for a while. I can't wait!

Happy Weekend! :)

I spoke too soon

2009-01-16T16:08:00.000-08:00

I hate it when I get ahead of myself. Last night was so beautiful, and today I find myself uncomfortably anxious. I feel so anxious, in fact, that I don't quite feel human. I feel more like The Scream than I care to admit!

I know that the anxiety is just fall-out from a really stressful week (which isn't over yet) and from a few other things... but that still doesn't make me a fan of this feeling. I tried to run it out-- it's beautiful here (Sunny and 45 degrees above zero) unlike the dreadfully cold temps in the Midwest-- but the the residue of the anxiety is is still here. Boo Hiss!! I know it will pass in time; it always does, but that still doesn't make me a fan! Have I mentioned how much I dislike this time of the school year???

I just have faith that it will all disappear by Monday night. By then my grades will be completely submitted, we'll be done with day one of semester two, and... remember that "new chapter" I wrote about a while ago... the page turner??? Well, he'll (yes, Saphron, you were right) be home after being gone for a month. Like I said, all will be well in about three days. How could it not??

So until then, I'll be doing a ton of running, grading, and pacing.

Happy Friday!!

A Starry Night

2009-01-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

It has been a long week. The end of the semester is always chaotic, but I think I almost have everything dialed in. At least enough so that I had the chance to go for a nice de-stressing walk under a sky full of stars. Man, was it beautiful.

I usually do some of my best thinking under a starry sky. Tonight I didn't think too much though, I just enjoyed the moment. I had a few minor epiphanies like wow, I think I'm getting older- I don't require constant pop and sizzle to find happiness. And, I'm really lucky right now; life is treating me really well. I hope it doesn't end anytime soon. Or, maybe I should start a dream jar, a place to put spare change and a few spare bucks in order to make some of the things on my bucket list a reality. But, mostly I was just enjoying being. I was just being me, just being happy, and just being in the beautiful starry night.

And these are a few of my favorite things....

2009-01-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had the opportunity to visit Fairmont Hot springs, a small family resort equipped with nice hotel rooms, fine dining, natural hot springs (indoor and out), and rather large water slide (although i didn't give it a try). It was a fantastic weekend with just the right amount of working out, soaking, eating (really great food, I might add), movie watching, hanging out with good friends, and sleeping. I couldn't have asked for more. It was so great that it reminded me of my top favorite things in the whole wide world... the stuff that takes me to a whole new level of giddiness...

Here are some of them:

Climbing mountain peaks on blue-bird days.

Musical moments (when everything-- in musical sense-- lines up perfectly).

Runner's High/Post-workout High

Amazing food and/or beverages--(wine, coffee, or tea)

Montana moments (when everything is breathtakingly beautiful and is in its perfect place-- usually but not exclusively in nature)

Teaching moments (when a kid really gets something I've been able to share)

Conversations that make me lose all sense of time

Perfect ski runs

Reading, listening, and viewing inspiring stories, thoughts, words, or images.

Learning new and relevant things.

It's a secret

What's on your list?

"But Ms. H, my Dog Ate My Homework"

2009-01-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

.... "But my dear student, perhaps you shouldn't have left it by his kennel," said the very over-the-lame-excuses teacher.

This post is just to give you an idea of where I'm at with school right now. We have a week until the end of the semester and so begin the excuses... Wanna know a little secret?? I'm over it.

A fresh start

2009-01-06T17:31:00.001-08:00

Have I mentioned that I love new years?? Perhaps it's this thing I have about new starts-- I just love 'em-- and taking stock of what worked and what didn't from the year before. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm extremely goal oriented. Regardless of the reason, I'm really excited about this new year, it wouldn't take much to be better than last year (it was a doozey), but already 2009 is proving to be quite fantastic.

The odd thing is that it's not an over-the-top fantastic like I've been used to over the past 5-10 new years... it's actually just sort of a mellow, content fantastic. I guess 2008 helped me to have more gratitude and contentment with what I have and what I'm experiencing at any given moment in time. It has also helped me to realize that it's not all about me or what people think of me; actually, it's more about the collective whole of which I am a part. Let me tell you, these are two extremely liberating realizations! (Despite the fact that they make me feel a little old around the edges!)

So what are my new year's resolutions?

In 2009 I will strive to...

Take better care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In other words, I want to strive to be more balanced.

Have the courage to be myself all of the time, despite relationships, circumstance, or work.

Play outside more. I really want to get better at snow shoeing, cross country skiing, and fly fishing. I want to hike and camp more and would be game to pick up a few new outdoor hobbies!

Be more financially responsible and savvy. Granted, I don't blow away a ton of money, but I'm really tired of having to scramble all of the time. I'm hoping I can do better in this department this year!

Be more active in my community. I've lived in this town for 1.5 years now, and I'm still not involved with a whole lot beyond school. I want to do more and give more to my community; I just need to find the right venue and the right cause.

So this is my resolution in a nutshell... what's yours?

Home sweet Home

2009-01-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling pretty lucky today. I have realized I have two homes, and I like both of them equally. I like them for different reasons, but equal reasons none the less. I love where I came from and am so glad I can visit. I'm also in love with where I live now because I know I can always find a slice of me amid the chaos. For this, I'm really lucky. I have amazing family and friends at home #1 and amazing Montana family and friends in home #2. Life is good. I'm so grateful and feel more centered than I have in a while.

Happy 2009! :)

Amazed

2008-12-30T14:36:00.000-08:00

I didn't know what to expect when I saw my home town for the first time in six months after the tornado. The last time I had seen it (this June) I couldn't recognize streets, houses (there were none left), or anything really. In fact, I dreaded having to see it; it just hurt too much. But when my dad and I pulled over the hill above town on Christmas day, I was amazed.

In just under seven months my town went from being completely flattened and unrecognizable to almost normal. Over 300 homes were completely totaled but there are nearly 200 that are completely up or being constructed. If I didn't know what had happened on Memorial Day weekend, I wouldn't have known that Parkersburg had been hit. It just looks like a new subdivision right now with beautiful new homes and amazing new high school. There is still a long way to go in terms of construction, but I'm amazed at what I have seen so far.

The other interesting thing is that the spirit of my little home town hasn't changed a bit. People are still upbeat and positive. Sure the conversations now are all about the building process, but generally speaking it's as positive as it always has been, and these people lost everything.

It's amazing. I know the people in the rebuilding process, including my parents, don't feel like it's going very fast, but it really is. Consider Katrina... that happened nearly four years ago and there are still so many families without homes. This tornado hit my home town just last May and already a good chunk of the town is rebuilt. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

As my mom would say, it really is a miracle.

Needless to say it was extra special to be home for Christmas this year. All of my brothers made it and we all got together at my parents' temporary home. Amazingly enough it still felt like home, it still felt like Christmas, it still felt normal. This is a gift for which I'll forever be grateful.

Now if only my bags would surface... I was one of the many who got stuck in Chicago on Christmas Eve and my bags have still yet to surface... small potatoes, I know, but it really would be nice to have my underwear! :)

Merry Christmas! :)

I'll be home for Christmas...

2008-12-23T15:24:00.000-08:00

In just over 24 hours I should be landing at the Des Moines airport. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to see my brothers, niece, nephew, sisters-in-law, girl-friend-in-law, parents, grandma, best friend, and the rest of the clan. I've been waiting for this day for a really long time, and it's hard to believe it's here. I can't wait to be home for Christmas! :)

Merry Christmas to all! :)

Christmas Perfection

2008-12-23T07:33:00.000-08:00

Luther College's Annual Christmas Concert aired on PBS last night, and I had the luxury of watching it with my good friends while drinking three rather robust glasses of wine. As the snow fell outside, we were warmed by the music, wine, and glow from the Christmas tree inside. It was no short of Christmas perfection! :)

Santa's Workshop

2008-12-21T17:01:00.000-08:00

Today I've been finalizing my Christmas presents. I bought what I had to buy and have been making the things I am going to make. I must say, making these presents really has put me in the Christmas spirit. The hand-made presents aren't quite done yet, but I'm shooting to have them done by the end of the night. I just hope they turn out as I originally envisioned. I guess only time will tell. So far, I know I'd like to be the recipient of one of the hand-made presents... It also helps that my friends are generally good sports about this sort of thing. :)

Anyhow... I'm just waiting for the stain to dry; then I can move on to the next step in the finishing process. In the mean time, I have a nice cup of hot cocoa and lovely Christmas tunes playing in the background.

Life is good; it's really good. :)

Happy Holidays!

The art of giving a good gift

2008-12-20T10:07:00.000-08:00

I have a dear friend who decided he was going to make all of his Christmas presents this year. He's an amazing woodworker, so his gifts were, of course, beautiful. He made some great porch chairs for his friends in WI, a toy storage unit for his niece, and another unit for a friend's daughter. When he showed them to me, I was not only convinced of his character and why I am so drawn to him, but he also reminded of the art of giving a good gift. It's not about the dollar amount associated with the gift or fulfilling some one's wish list; it's more about giving something that is genuine and heartfelt to show how much we care.

Some of the best gifts I have ever received aren't the ones that I was longing or wishing for, but the ones that were the thoughtful, unexpected gifts from the heart... a handmade blanket, a quote book my friend scrap-booked together, a scarf, an inspiring poem with a hand-made border of stamps from a family's heirloom collection, pictures or maps from adventures, a tiny flashlight to help make sure I didn't loose my way, a pair of mittens to keep my hands warm in the sub-zero weather, a quarter that my oldest brother gave me the day I was born. Although some of these things seem trivial, they aren't. These gifts are about so much more than the object itself; they are the things that remind me I am loved and that I love.

So taking my friend's lead, I'm doing my best to make sure the gifts I choose this year not only make the recipients smile, but also serve as a reminder of how much I love those who will receive them.

Skiing

2008-12-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

I've been skiing for a long time now, since I was five-years-old, and sometimes it just doesn't thrill me like it used to. Don't get me wrong, I still love to do it; I still love the thrill of cruising a top speed on my own two feet. I love seeing the beautiful mountain ranges, and of course I love playing outside. I just don't get up at the crack of dawn to get first tracks anymore or ski top to bottom from first chair to last.

Yesterday, however, I had the pleasure of teaching one of my good friends how to ski, and it put the fun right back into it again. It's funny how sharing something that you've always done with someone you care about can put a new spin on things. It's even cooler when you know you helped someone check something off her "bucket list."

Yay for the mountains. Yay for good friends. Yay for skiing! :)

P.S.

Unfortunately, my friend found out the day after that she pulled her MCL, and yet she still wants to get back on the hill as soon as possible. No wonder why she helped put the fun back into it! Next time, I'll try to take it easier on you, Lisa! Sorry you messed up your knee.

A New Chapter

2008-12-18T06:07:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things is to start something new. Don't get me wrong, I like old things too, but there is just something about the challenge and mystery of a fresh start. A new start is even better when it has the potential to be the start of something really amazing. Let's just say this... over the past couple of weeks one old, tired chapter has finished, and a new and exciting one has begun--and this one is a page turner. Now I just hope I don't turn the pages too fast, but that's a different story for a different time.

Here's to new and happy beginnings! :)

The wishing basket

2008-12-16T12:29:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago in church there were folks who got up to tell their thanksgiving stories. It was fantastic to hear different perspectives from folks I didn't know very well. I connected to each story in some way which gave me an incredible sense of peace and belonging.

There was one story in particular that stuck out to me. One woman got up and talked about the struggles she faced as a single mom teaching in a private school in the Caribbean. Times were really tough, and she wasn't quite sure what to do. So, she and her two sons developed a ritual. They took a hand-made basket, made by a friend of theirs, and turned it into a wishing basket. Then, each time the family had a need they would go to the ocean, pick out a coral to represent that need, number it, and record it. When a need was met they took that need's coral back to the ocean on a clear and starry night, thanked the universe for its help, and then gave the coral back to the ocean. It was amazing to hear how the universe provided for this woman and her two boys and how they were grateful each time.

I latched on to this woman's ritual. I found a wishing cup, picked up stones for each of the needs I had, and kept track of them in a little book. The interesting thing is, my needs are starting to be met. One by one, little by little. I am so grateful. I am so happy. I am so blessed. The whole scenario reminds me of our parting song at church...

From You I receive;
To you I give.
Together we share;
Together we live.

The universe really is an amazing place. Sometimes it's hard to see it's beauty when it seems to continually take from us. At the same time, though, it always provides in one way or another. There is beauty in both the giving and the receiving; for this, I am grateful.

Winter Wonderland

2008-12-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

It's cold-- really cold, fifteen-below-zero cold. Yesterday I was snowed in; today I'm frozen in. I dig it though, as long as I don't have to be outside for very long. :)

The best part of the weekend definitely included the Christmas party I went to last night. It was a house party thrown by some of my roommate's friends. My roommate's band played (once the power came on-- it was out for the first three hours of the night), we chatted by candlelight, I caught up with folks I hadn't seen or talked to in a long time, and I even made a new friend. It was one of those nights when you forget to look at the time and when you do, are surprised that it's five in the morning. It wasn't an over the top party, it was just a good one, even despite the snow and cold. It had good music, good people, and good conversation. What more could I ask for? So yes, it may be cold and snowy here, but I'd still like to think I'm living in a winter wonderland.

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

2008-12-12T16:30:00.000-08:00

I was so lucky today. Our high school choir sang "Carol of the Bells" in our hallway this morning. There's really no better way to start out the day than with a full choir rendition of a Christmas tune, especially this one. Needless to say, listening to them not only put me in the Christmas spirit, but I also had a fantastic day.

So I hope, dear readers, that you too have a fantastic day and that you are able to keep a lovely little song in your heart! :)

Posts to think about...

2008-12-11T18:59:00.000-08:00

I was flipping through the blogs that I follow today and found these two really great posts from my fellow bloggers, Peter and Don. I don't think these two guys know each other, but they made a really good point about perspective today. So if you're looking for an attitude booster, stroll on over to these posts ("What about Me" by Peter and "Affirmations: a lightning rod for goodwill" by Don).

I see the moon

2008-12-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

(Image from here)

I went for a much needed walk tonight under the nearly full moon (and yes, part of the reason why I needed the walk was because my kiddos are experiencing the full-moon effect!). The night sky was beautiful and reminded me of a good-night song we used to sing at a summer camp I once worked at in Colorado. I happen to like this song a lot because it's so sweet and makes the world feel smaller-- in a good way. Here it is... enjoy :)

I see the moon and the moon sees me.
The moon sees somebody I'd like to see.
So, God bless the moon, and God bless me.
And God bless the somebody I'd like to see.
Good Night!

Diorama Party

2008-12-09T16:21:00.000-08:00

I'm very excited about one particular Holiday party that I plan on attending next weekend-- the Second Annual Christmas Diorama Party/Contest. If you don't remember from your grade school art days, a diorama is, according to Webster,

a scenic representation in which sculptured figures and lifelike details are
displayed usually in miniature so as to blend indistinguishably with a realistic
painted background

My roommate and I hosted the party for our friends last year, and it was quite a bash! I even took third in the contest. The theme was "Christmas Vacation," so I made a two-dimensional evening ski scene in a very foxy shoe box. This was, by the way, a small feat for me given my lack of artistic ability-- just ask my students!

Now I'm getting geared up to score big in this year's contest with a "Christmas in Cinema" theme. There are only two rules in the contest: the diorama cannot be a model (we had some issues with that last year from our architect friends), nor can it use pyrotechnics (don't ask!). I pretty much have my idea nailed down; it's just a matter of making it a reality. I'll have to keep you posted.

Let me ask you this, my fellow bloggers: If you had to create a diorama with this year's theme, what would you create?

Outsourced

2008-12-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

I seem to be coming across a lot of texts, references, and movies involving India lately. I don't know if that's a sign that I need to go on a trip or what, but I'm starting to become really curious about this culture that I don't know much about. The more I learn, the more curious I become.

Outsourced is the latest movie I've seen that takes place in India. It's a great independent comedy that highlights some of the sad, and sometimes humorous, realities of Western commerce as well as the quirky things that happen when one is in culture shock. If you've ever lived abroad for more than six months or have an appetite for cultural diversity, you'll really appreciate this film. Not to mention that the soundtrack is fantastic! :)

Love Poems From God

2008-12-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

My best friend over at grace's birdcage wedding, is doing a blog series on poems written hundreds of years ago and have been republished in a book called Love Poems from God. I've been reading them as she posts and am usually blown out of the water by how the poets understand God and love. It's amazing these were written so long ago and from the perspective of so many different cultures; I guess this further reiterates that the subjects of Love and God are timeless universals. The fact that my friend has decided to post these particular poems with these particular themes is indeed one of the many reasons why she's my best friend. :)

So head on over to Grace's Birdcage Wedding to check out her series of tags on "the poems." I don't think you'll be disappointed. :)

Twinkle, Twinkle

2008-12-07T12:53:00.000-08:00

(Photo from here)

I had the pleasure of walking home from a rather festive night on the town Friday night. The walk reminded me just how magical a winter's night under Montana's big sky can be. It's kind of a long walk from downtown and requires hiking up a large hill that overlooks the city, but I was glad to do it.

When I got to the top of the hill, I stopped for a moment to look. There's something special about pausing in the dark to silently watch the city lights twinkle below and the winter stars and moon light the sky from above. I swear time stopped for a just a moment as I paused in this special place between the hustle and bustle of life below and the quiet stillness of the universe above. I whispered a soft and humble "thank you," waited for just a few silent moments, and finished out the last half of the walk with a gentle peace that I haven't felt in quite some time.

Solitude

2008-12-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

Solitude is a funny thing. When I didn't have it, I craved it, but now that I have it, I can't help but feel a little anxious. I used to be so good at doing things on my own (living alone in a barn out in the middle of nowhere forced me to be). I was even proud that I was so content being by myself-- after all, it's not always easy. But things seem to be different at the moment, and clearly Solitude and I are out of touch. I'm just not used to those empty moments that can creep in with Solitude. My friends and family have been fantastic at helping me ward off these moments, but there comes a point when it's just up to me. And it is at this point, my dear friends, when Emptiness sneaks in as Solitude's unwanted sidekick.

I've found that one of the best ways to chase away Emptiness is to stay busy, and I've been doing that. I've had cocktail connections, brownie bowl parties, pink pearl snap nights, and the like. The problem is, I'm getting a little weary around the edges. I want to relax and just be. I want to make friends with Solitude again, but I'm afraid Emptiness will sneak up on us. This fear is silly and irrational I know-- fear always is-- but it is what it is, and right now the thought of an unwanted visit from Emptiness is making me a little anxious.

But, as my grandmother said, "this too shall pass." It always does. I am just out of touch with Solitude and haven't had to single-handedly ward off Emptiness in a while. With a little patience, though, my angst will go away. Soon I'll be able to shake hands with Solitude, and together we'll send Emptiness packing. :)

Cocktail Connection

2008-12-02T20:56:00.001-08:00

As a wandering spirit, friendship can be hard sometimes. Because I have a tendency to wander around, my dearest friends and family aren't always close by. This can be especially problematic when life gets hard or frustrating. But thank God for technology (a.k.a. phones and the Internet)!

Tonight I had the chance to have a 3-way-long-distance-cocktail. See, I started chatting with my best friend from college while sipping on a glass of wine, and before I knew it I was also chatting and sipping on wine with my best friend from home via the Internet. We all sort of know each other, so I started sharing what I was hearing from both ends of the conversation with my two friends, and before we knew it we had a long distance cocktail party that joined three very good friends from three very different locations (Kansas City, Montana, and Oregon).

I know this may sound silly, but when you find yourself so far away from the friends who have known you the longest, the friends who keep you grounded, and know you for who you really are without a need for explanation, this is a gift.

I feel lucky. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I have such good friends even if we live far apart....

Thank you Lord for amazing friends, the technology that helps us stay connected, and for a good glass of wine. :)

Alpenglow

2008-12-01T10:06:00.000-08:00

(Photo of Alpenglow in the Tetons by Ron Niebrugge)

Two of my ultimate favorite parts of the day are just before the sun completely rises and just before it sets. I've always liked this time of day because it's that magical hour that's filled with wonder and reflection. In the morning it's filled with the wonder of what the day will have in store. In the evening, it's a magical hour to reflect on what the day had in store. Being the reflective dreamer that I am, I'm sure you can understand why this is such an important time of day for me.

I didn't know that this time of day actually had a name until I moved to the mountains. Apparently the name for this magical moment is alpenglow, or Alpenglühen in German. According to Wikipedia it is "when the Sun is just below the horizon, [and] a horizontal red glowing band can sometimes be observed on the opposite horizon." In the Midwest, this time of day was more about the feeling for me (mostly because there wasn't much the "red glowing band" could reflect on :) ) But in the mountains it involves more than just a feeling; this is the time of day when the mountains actually glow. The refelction off the "red glowing band" reflects on to the mountains and turns them all shades of orange, yellow, and pink. It only lasts a moment, but if you can catch it, it's one of the most breath-taking moments of the day, especially when the mountains are snow capped and the sky is crystal clear.

Today was a particular special day because I was able to observe alpenglow twice against our big, crystal-blue, Montana sky. I was able to catch it at sunrise while I drove through four different snow-capped mountain ranges on my way to work, and I was able to catch it on top of a hill during my evening run. It was magnificent. It is yet another reminder of why I love the mountains so much. They constantly remind me of how majestic nature can be and how lucky I am to be alive, living out my dream in this most beautiful place.

Australia

2008-11-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

I just saw Australia yesterday, and now it's on my favorite list. It's got this old Western flavor which helped with the cheesy, "awe-come-on" moments (which are definitely there), and it made me want to take a trip down under. It's a feel good movie for sure which is great this time of year. Check it out! :)

A National Day of Listening

2008-11-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

In church last week, a woman spoke briefly about a National Day of Listening. Apparently NPR declared the day after Thanksgiving a "National Day of Listening" in which we should make a conscious effort to listen to one anther's life stories, record them if possible, and share. This project is sponsored by Story Corp, a group dedicated to uniting people by allowing us to share our stories. I think the quote from the National Day of Listening Website describes this project best:

By listening to their stories, you will be telling them that they matter and they won’t ever be forgotten.

How cool is that?? I double-dog dare you to check it out, and I triple-dog dare you to do it! :)

P.S.
I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Mine was one for the books. My cup overfloweth. :)

Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T20:09:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I can't help but love a holiday that asks us to take a moment to be thankful for what we have. This year has taught me that I have a lot to be thankful for, to the point where it's even hard to talk about. I'd like to take a moment to share the top ten things I'm most thankful for (in no particular order). I'd love to hear what you are thankful for too.

This year I'm thankful for...

Life. The more I experience, the more I realize just how fragile it is. I love life even with its ups and downs. There is no better feeling than to feel alive.

Family. Mine was almost taken away, and as a result I value them even more than ever.

Friends. I would not have made it through this year without them, nor would I have gone on as many adventures.

Teaching. I'm learning that teaching really is just a way of life that not everyone understands. It can be really hard but is more rewarding than anything I've ever done.

Mountains. They aren't just my playground; they are also my thinking place and where I find peace. They make me stronger and help me remember that there are very few things that we can actually control.

Words. If it weren't for being able to read, write, speak, and listen I'd be lost.

Freedom. Sometimes it's easy to forget just how good we have it here in the states. Sure we have our issues, but at least we have the freedom to talk about them, the freedom to believe what we want to believe, and the freedom to choose what works best for us.

Music. It makes me whole.

Community. I've learned there is very little we can accomplish alone.

Getting by. There have been moments this past year that I barely scraped by financially, but I was always able to find a way to make it work.

Boot straps. Not everyone has them, but my parents made sure I did. I would be in pretty sad shape if I didn't have them to pull myself up with when things get tough.

(This is a video of an interview with my family. It goes to show just how much I have to be thankful for.)

I've been tagged...

2008-11-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by my friend over at grace's birdcage wedding. I'm supposed to tell six quirky or boring things about myself and then "tag" a blogger or two to do the same... I thought it might be kind of fun and a light-hearted way to start out Thanksgiving Break.

#1 I sometimes put juice on my Rice Crispies. I don't remember where I picked up this weird habit, but I remember trying it out once and thinking it was delicious. I still do it now but only on occasion.

#2 I can speak Dutch and thoroughly enjoy singing the Dutch birthday song at the top of my lungs in public places for my friends. I don't think they appreciate it quite as much as I do, but it makes people smile none the less.

#3 I secretly enjoy a good skinny dip. I became addicted after my first attempt at a camp out with some high school classmates. I'm usually extremely modest, but I get a certain thrill from being a tad bit rebellious and liberated while swimming around in the dark (it must be dark!) in my birthday suit.

#4 I was once a fair princess for my county (a title that still makes me giggle). I didn't quite have the pleasure of being the beef queen or the pork princess, it was just Ms. Butler County. It didn't last long though. Less than 30 minutes after the coronation, I had to give up my tierra because I couldn't go to the state fair competition. I had bigger fish to fry-- my year as an exchange student to The Netherlands was to start the same week as the state fair.

#5 I snort when I laugh. It's funny how people react to this quirk. Either they look at me with disgust and say, "Excuse you," or they erupt in laughter. I have a phrase or two that helps me own this quirk: "Been snorting since '82" or "It's just part of the package." Usually these lines work to gloss things over when it gets awkward.

#6 I sing "I'm a Little Teapot" when I get scared. For some reason going back to my pre-school day memories helps ease my nerves. Perhaps it's traveling back in time to Mrs. Lawler's Wiggle and Giggle Preschool where there were bright colors, fun toys, and lots and lots of singing that puts me at ease. And maybe that's why I still like to sing an array of songs for any occasion including "The Iowa Fight Song" and the fore mentioned Dutch birthday song.

Okay, there are my six quirks. What are yours? I tag my followers: Don, Peter, Saphron, and anyone else who wants to play.

The Wii

2008-11-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

Last year, my friend invited a bunch of the newbies (all teachers who had just moved into the district) to chill out and play Wii. I'm not really into the whole video game thing, so I'll admit, I was skeptical at first. Little did I know that Wii is not your average video game.

The cool thing about Wii is that it's interactive, and the players actually have to move to play the game. So when we play golf, we actually get to practice our golf swings. When we bowl, we actually get to do the pendulum motion with our arms and that cute little foot slide-over/follow-through move at the end of a roll. The first time I played it I was amazed at how fun and life-like it was.

We haven't played Wii in a really long time. In fact, the last time I played was in Kansas City last May after my best friend's wedding. Needless to say when my friends suggested we round up the troops and play after watching a disappointing football game, I took them up on it. And, as usual, it was fantastic! :)

So here's to the Wii with all of its quirky little sound effects, cool characters, and interactiveness! Yay for Wii! :)

Truth

2008-11-22T07:05:00.000-08:00

Last night I had to have a hard conversation with someone I care a lot about. It was one of those conversations where I had three choices-- I could be honest and straightforward, try to sugar-coat the truth, or sweep truth under the rug and pretend like it wasn't there. Over the last six months I tried the later two approaches more often than I care to admit (which didn't get me anywhere but stuck), so I decided to try for the first approach-- being honest and straightforward.

It was messy. I spoke the truth, but he didn't want to hear it. Maybe I went too far, maybe I was too honest, and maybe I should have kept some of the truth to myself. But, I just laid it all out there as naked as a j-bird. After the fact (and even during the fact, for that matter), I felt bad for him--the issues at hand were not easy ones. At the same rate, I couldn't help but put myself in his shoes. If I were him, I'd want to know the truth, I'd want to know it all-- no matter how much it stunk to hear it, and I'd want to know it now. Regardless of my convictions and best intentions, the conversation ended with curt answers, slammed doors, and me standing at the window watching him pull away. Truth is messy.

On the other hand, being honest feels pretty damn good. Being surrounded by others who feel the same way is a gift and was a gift last night. After standing at the window for a second, letting the conversation soak in, I called up one of my best friends. I told her what happened, and before I knew it she was at the end of my driveway in her Soccer-Mom Yukon grooving out to some cheesy dance music that I could feel through the concrete as I walked toward her car. I had to smile. I had just left one conversation where truth wasn't very welcomed and was now jumping into a Yukon where truth is just the norm. Truth feels good.

At the end of the day, I don't regret embracing truth. Sure it was hard to be honest, and it was hard to watch someone I care for pull out of my life, but I had to do it. Truth is messy, but sometimes being messy is just the right thing to do.

P.S.

I just submitted this to NPR... After four years of assigning the This I Believe essay to five different classes, I finally submitted my own. Yee Haw! I don't know if anything will come of it, but it sure felt good to write. I really do encourage you to take Edward R. Murrow's This I Believe challenge.

The Edward R. Murrow Challenge

2008-11-21T17:01:00.000-08:00

During my first year of teaching a friend/parent introduced me to the NPR radio show called "This I Believe." It originated from Edward R. Murrow in the 1950s as an attempt to unite the American public-- to help Americans see that we are all human and shouldn't let fear or differences drive us apart. Murrow initiated the show by asking Americans just one question: In 500 words or less, what do you believe to be true about life?

Wow! Talk about a loaded question. As a teacher, I saw this as a great opportunity for my Juniors and Seniors. Not only do I use it as a tool to talk about what a climate of fear can do to a group of people (as in the cold war, or even now for that matter), but it's a way to help kids really think about what they, not their parents, believe to be true. It's amazing what I get back from some of them and how close they let me get to their thoughts.

I'm a huge believer in practicing what I teach, but this assignment has me a little flustered. It's so hard to solidify what it is exactly that I believe. There are so many topics I could delve into like the importance of giving back, being human, forgiveness, empathy, making the most of each moment-- just to name a few. But how do I talk about those topics in just 500 words?? Now I fully understand why my 16-18-year-old students look like deer in head lights when I first present this assignment to them!

But, holding true to my pedagogy, I have decided to take Murrow's invitation as a personal challenge. After all, how can I ask my students to do something I haven't done myself? It might take me some time and require some space, but I'm going to do it. I think it's such a valuable exercise to think and then share what we believe. It helps us be human and helps us to recognize other humans-- something that is pretty rare in our society at the moment.

Wow, Murrow was smart! For that matter, whoever invented this whole blog thing is smart. I can't help but notice since I've started blogging how powerful it can be. I'm still amazed at its ability to unite perfect strangers just by allowing us to be human. There's important power in that. I just hope I can share that with my students and also continue to be a part of it myself.

Anybody else up for the Murrow challenge?? What do you believe to be true about life?

The Art of Letting Go: Part III

2008-11-20T17:25:00.000-08:00

(What was left of my parents' 2-story home after the EF five Tornado that hit this past May)

It's time. I think I can finally let this poem go. I wrote it as part of my letting-go process. I guess I've been kind of nervous to let it go because it helped me let go, but I'm ready.

"Blow Away"

The rust-colored bricks, its dark green siding, and the improved garage roof Dad put on.
The long, curved sidewalk, the wild flower beds, and the evergreens that had grown so tall.
The soft living room carpet, mom’s hand-made blankets, and those big East windows that let in the sun.
Grandma’s last quilt, Grandpa Doc’s pocket watch, and Great-Aunt Rofkins’ China buffet.
Our dinning room table, the print above the piano, the souvenir tiles mom had hung in a row.
My brothers’ boyhood toys, Mom’s Christmas pearls, and the skis Dad waxed with such care.
Mom’s wedding dress, the prom gown we both wore, and my first emerald ring.
Five years worth of my journals, four sets of baby pictures, and exotic trinkets from adventures abroad.
My favorite napping spot, my thinking place, and my refuge from the world.
All stripped away in just sixty seconds, never to be seen again.
I know it’s just stuff-- that our family made it;
I’m grateful for that everyday.
But, it still hurts to think
Of my childhood home and all that went with it,
And I hope that pain
Blows Away
Soon.

Wine, Frozen Pizza, and Dessert

2008-11-19T15:39:00.000-08:00

I'm about to have a seemingly ordinary night. I'm about to go over to a good friend's house for dinner, wine, and a good long session of cheesy, prime time television. I'm planning on bringing a few brownie bowls and a fresh bottle of Ten Spoon to celebrate the moment.

To most, this sort of evening is pretty ordinary, but I assure you it's not (hence the brownies and wine). See, I've learned there are very few people out there with whom you can just sit and be -- they're not flustered by the silence or the ordinariness of it. I'm lucky because I've always been able to find one of these friends no matter where I've lived, and they have all been responsible for saving my sanity at one time or another. I know I'd be pretty lost without my wine-frozen pizza-dessert night-buddies. So even though tonight might seem ordinary, I know that it's not. How could it be when I get to hang with a good friend and just be?